Why cant I stop being nervous around people? and just ramble?

[Tomchange]

Well Im 24 and have been a nervous wreck for a good 6 years id say. I have never sought after professional help because I am to nervous of the drugs they would prescribe me. I am a marijuana addict though(self diagnosed but i smoke almost everyday so yeah addict) so i think maybe its time for me to find other solutions. Smoking weed cause im nervous all the time takes a lot away from me. I have many social skill problems, a lot which exist because of my view of others social skills(hope that makes since). I think a lot of my problem is i am selfish and unorganized and i try to hid it. I have a view of the natural world the one that is far superior to the reasons of my existence rather then todays human work, which 50% I would say could be irrelevant to keeping us alive if not more and most work we do I would say puts curtains on us all of what the greatest thing we have that's right in front of you(i wont share for its too opinionated). When i say human work I am pertaining to our 9 to 5 jobs. I realize every thing we do can be considered work and is and our evolution was really an evolution of how we do our jobs to keep us alive. this is just babble, sorry. Anyways I see my natural world and how much is given to us to share compared to our professional world where we create capitalism and money and poor people and rich people and how a lot of rich people are not deserving of the benefits of the working class (I was very blessed and will be inheriting a fair amount of money someday so im not the poor man bitching about working for the man but more the man wondering why people don't just get rid of the ways that allow for people like me to have money for no reason) I also recognize the benefits of our system and the discoveries and technology that is so wonderful so don't think i am one sided cause i never am which is another thing that i consider my problem. Im never certain of anything. I am in a bottomless pit of confusion, I want to work with people, I want to live and feel free and i want to respect every person and I seem to be able too until I am around other people who have let our monetary system make them forget what is really going on. Not to say I do or that anybody does cause that big answer about life is in my opinion a interminable question. I think my problem is my ego, its very big but anyone who knows me personally will tell you otherwise because I am so considerate of others(i hid my ego). I don't know if any of what i am ranting about is relative to my social anxiety's. Maybe but probably not, I truly im starting to believe that there is a chemical imbalance in my mind and maybe caused by marijuana and alcohol but these problems existed before i smoked pot, so maybe the weed is making it worse or not allowing me to change but its not the underived reason for my nervousness. either way I need help, If anyone has some suggestions or if you know what i am going through I will gladly like to hear your opinion. Yes I am depressed and the thoughts of death I find comforting, I am however not suicidal because that's just silly. I do feel sorry for myself though and i try every day to stop. . I constantly contradict myself and can never be sold into any certainty. my mind wanders and cant stay focused enough to completely understand a lot of things yet i can grasp concepts that some of my highly educated college grad friends cant. The real reason I need help, is I am enrolling into college for a two year degree in the fall and I know that my nerves are going to cause me to not be able to function in classes if i don't fix them. I struggled all through high school and tried college a few years ago with no luck. I need to get myself more educated but my anxiety's keep me from doing so. Im probably going to go to a professional but i figured id see if I can find people who can relate and maybe help me. I don't want my nerves to cause me serious physical and mental damage as i age and more importantly I know that I am unusually clever in a lot of things even when i cant explain it. I want to express myself freely and more importantly I just want to break out my depression. I feel depression is given to people from others because mine was given to me and I know its up to me to get rid of it but I have not been able to yet so im going to start trying other methods. thank you for any kind responses.