Why am I angry all the time?

C

casie p

New member
I don't know why I am angry...I have everything I could possibly want, a great job, straight A kids that play club soccer, a fantastic wife, a beautiful house; yet I am so mad all the time! I quit smoking a couple years ago blaming my anger spouts on cigarettes, but the attitude never went away.

I find I am much better at work, but around the house, I am a timebomb. I am a 39 yo male, and all the posts that I've read regarding this are from woman suggesting mentapause.....yeah....I don't think that's my problem!

I don't help around the house until my wife gets really upset with me, I am borderline with wanting to quit my job, for absolutely no reason...it's a great job, and I'm good at it, but I'm starting to get behind on my work. I've never been lazy, I get up every day at 6:00am, and have tried going to bed at different times, but no changes.

I play soccer two nights a week, and go to kids soccer three days a week, but that is a joy. I thought it might be weight related...lost 47 pounds and feel I look great, but no change in my attitude. Little things at home set me off...and I love being with the family??? I don't go out with the guys, that's not the issue. I can take a vacation whenever I want...that's not the issue. I am recognized at work for being a leader and a forward thinker...???

I read medical books to see if I can navigate through some ideas, but by the time I put the book down, I'm a hypochondriac! I'm afraid of ADD or Depression, but I can't think of anything else. I have no fits of suicide, or causing harm to others...except maybe my dogs, but that's a whole 'nother story. (That's a joke...I'm a huge dog lover!)

Someone turned me on to internet communication, and I've reconnected with 100's of my friends from school and former jobs, so there's not a void of friends. I do; however, find I've grown into a little social anxiety as I've gotten older. Once I was the life of the party, now I just hope I can find a buddy to hang out with while my wife socializes. My kids are so cool...I love hanging out with them.

They are sarcastic like me, and when one spends the night with a friend, I make it dad and dude night and do whatever they want. Last weekend my 8 year old and I had a movie marathon...I think we watched 5 movies in a row! He was amazed I stayed awake for all of them...I was too! My kids idolize me, and I them. I wish I was more emotionally available for my wife though. I love her, and she loves me, but we are not affectionate at all....but I don't really think that is the problem.

We've been together for 15 years, and I could not imagine life without her, I just wish I could tell her how special she is...but my anger gets in the way...creating anger in return. We talked about it a few weeks ago, and I told her that maybe it's just unrecogized stress and once the kids are out (10 yrs or so), then it'll be just us and all better...but what if it's not?
 
You're not going to like my answer but I think you could benefit from seeing a therapist. Out of control anger with no reason for it is a problem and they deal with emotions that are out of control.

Think of therapy this way....you've just walked into a completely dark room full of overturned furniture. You can spend a lot of time fumbling around feeling the pieces and trying to put the room in order yourself or you could ask for some help and allow the therapist to turn on a light so you can see what the heck you're doing. It's getting the most out of your life with a little direction and help. Who wouldn't want to get the most out of their life?

So consider seeing someone to figure out why you are so filled with anger before you do hurt someone.

Jenny
 
I agree a therapist is a good idea - but do see your family doctor first to run some basic blood tests. There are several disorders that have irritability as an early symptom.

Hypo or hyperthyroidism, adrenal gland disorders, gastrointestinal problems that cause malabsorption, iron deficency anemia, the beginning of diabetes, hormonal imbalance (in men, low testosterone), or more general problems like sleep apnea. (not all folks with apnea snore!)

A few blood tests may be able to identify the source of your irritability, or at least, rule out a physical cause.
 
When you rule out routine blood work to ensure everything is ok in that dept (which i don't think it is)then you need to look at what it really is.....what struck in your post is the fact you say your life is good and you don't know you are so angry....most of the time it is depression. Most people thing when they hear that that it means your sad and such but that stigma is not always true...it can come out in many ways. Sometimes therapists help but they can be expensive and MOST of the time useless! trust me i have tried to no avail! they maybe able to pinpoint what makes you angry but at the end of the day it may not teach you how to not be angry! knowing what it is doesn't always mean things will change. I would consider posting this problem on the depression and or stress/anxiety board and see what they suggest....it seems you may have a chemical imbalance that meds can really really help with :) i am the same way with my husband and the affection thing, its like i am too annoyed and angry and i ALWAYS have people why i look/seem angry all the time...it is frustrating because you want to do those things but something takes over and you just can't! i get very annoyed and can never relax for no good reason! it also almost seems like you are avoiding the depression issue because maybe you don't want to be labelled as that or have to face the facts that drugs may be needed and such but i am telling you that it is the best thing for you!! it really really is, if you go to your dr. speak to him about all your symptoms, i was just at my dr after for no reason becoming depressed once again for what i felt was no good reason i mean my life is good i have good kids a nice home and great friends but he explained just because one is depressed doesn't mean they have to have negative things in their lives for that to happen, i am telling i am pretty sure it is what you have also another thing clicked with me and thats you not want to be social like you once were and that is fine and maybe just be that your at a point in your life we all go through where friends doesn't seem as necessary as they once were! but the words you used points directly to what i have said and it could be as a result of your depression, please go see your dr....just with a med your life can literally be normal again....one thing i always say is you only live once and do you want to live that life unhappy?
 
hi someone from west mildlands. It sounds like you a great person and a lovly family. You need to look at the great things you have and forget the bad and rough times in your life. I had t rough time with my family too but i look at myself and relise it was me to look at the postive things a have and conertrate on them. well done for not smoking {how long} im stilling waiting to give up mmm........Not yet though. smoking may be the cause of anger but im not a doctor.You need to go to the doctor again and get some good advice ? Also talk with your lovely wife about anythink, thats what i did with my new husband i am happy person now and you will find a way to do so.
 
First, I would make sure you're getting enough exercise (aerobic and weights). I find that pent up energy can make me restless and angry for no reason. I have two young boys and I've found that if I don't run them, they get into trouble. Same for us old boys.

Second and most important is that I bet you're not a very grateful person. My lack of gratefulness in my attitude fueled my anger. I would try and thank God in everything you do (verbally and in prayer). You'll find that your gratefulness will become your best assets and you'll attract people with it. Good luck.
 
Nutsandbolts: On top of seeing the therapist or anger management therapist, I'd suggest getting your adrenals checked out. Someone once told me they were feeling depressed and then their doctor started giving them Vit B12 shots and the depression went away. Your stress could be reduced from just adding a few vitamins that you might be in need of. You must have made some changes in your diet if you lost 47 lbs. so you must be eating healthier. I think some men just have the Caveman mentality. They don't want to deal with the world, they just want to crawl into their cave. My husband is that way. He doesn't want to be bothered by any people except the ones he wants. He has to initiate the contact or he's bothered by people bothering him. Kudos to you for stopping smoking. You not only stopped for yourself but your family too. Find some projects to do at home that can keep your mind occupied. What was your wife's reaction and comments to your conversation that you had a few weeks ago? She's probably just busy with the kids and doesn't really notice what's going on with you. Maybe you need a date night with her more often. Pretty soon she's going to be going through menopause and she's going to need to you to lean on more than you know!!!!! Things will work out. Have more faith. You're in Texas. If you don't already have a church find yourself a nice church and get involved there as well.
 
I agree with the person who sugeested a blood test. I have a thyroid condition and before it was diagnosed, at times it felt like everyone was trying to find new and improved ways to make me mad. I know that sounds stupid, but at the time it really did. Anyway thyroids problems can cause weird mood swings along with other things, like, unexplained weight gain or weight loss, hair loss, fatigue, etc...
also, some medication alter your moods. My dad was on a blood pressure medication, I dont remember which one, but for a while he has like a mine field, you would never know when or what would make him mad. Fortunately we found a doctor who actually listened and ran test and changed his medication.
I hope you figure out what the problem is. Good luck!
 
Nutsandbolts you've gotten some really good advice here.

Chances are you are dealing with a form of chronic depression onset. Very likely what is often referred to as Major Depression. And do be aware it can cause some very bad things to happen in your life. You need to consciously develop that communications channel again with your wife and find a way to re-establish old mutual feelings again, while you still can.

But first and foremost take it up with a qualified professional, as discussed herein. It could be physical or perhaps not. It may very likely lead to medication, but that's certainly better than heading on down the road you are currently on. Much luck with it.

-JR
 
Thanks for all the advice! Several things I have thought about prior to my post...First, I grew up in the church and was very active in the youth group. About 3 years ago, (about when I started getting mad for no reason), I stopped going. I've wanted to go, and I believe in God, but something is keeping me from giving myself completely to him. I do pray, but I think it goes beyond lazyness. I quit smoking 1 1/2 years ago...it does get easier! Someone mentioned get help before I do hurt someone. I know I need help, but hurting someone would never happen. I teach my children how to respect woman and each other, and I would never "snap" and hurt...physically. I know my words hurt though. Thank God my wife is tough...and thick skinned. I was afraid it was depression, but didn't want to be clinically diagnosed, so I have not brought any of this up to my doctor. One thing that may surprise you, I'm a sales manager and meet with hundreds of prospects each week and love doing it. I have absolutely no reservations about walking into an office of a person I've never met, and getting them to buy something they didn't know they couldn't live without before I walked in the door. That's why the social anxiety thing at parties is wierd. I will do the blood test for first pass; as well as, tell my doctor what I've shared with all of you. I will let you know the outcome, and appreciate everyone's support. Have a wonderful day and start to your new year.
 
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