Who knows any good jokes?

i gave a homeless person a quid for a cup of tea.-- wish she would hurry up cos I'm gagging.

Paddy goes into the pizza shop. The lady asks 'do you want it cut into 6 or 8 pieces?' 'Oh 6 pieces please' Paddy replied 'I don't think I could eat 8' :D

man asks her wife, "Tell me some good news and some bad news at the same time?" Women replies, "You have a bigger manhood than your brother."
 
A bloke goes to a fancy restaurant dress party naked, with his privates in a jam jar. Im a firefighter he tells the shocked guests. In case of an emergency, break the glass, pull the red knob, and i will come as quickly as I can!
 
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your ****** is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
 
An Airman meets with a group of Marines and asks, "Hey wanna hear a Marine joke?"
Shocked, the Marine says, "Look here, I'm 6'0" and 200 lbs. My friend right next to me is 6'2" and 225 lbs. And my other friend is 6'4" and 250 lbs. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to explain it three times."
 
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