Who is right in this debate of ettiquette? My parents or my husband?

[meeeeeee]

Last night my stepfather pretty much lectured my husband for something that has been bothering him and my mother for a while-- that when he picks me up from visiting my family, he walks in without barely saying hi. My stepfather said it is very rude and that the person visiting the house should make an effort to say hi to everyone first, instead of the opposite.

While I thought my stepfather had a point, I must say that if I felt as unwelcome as my parents always make my husband feel, I would not feel like greeting anybody. My husband was very nice to my parents but little by little he started being more guarded because my parents have been rude to him. They never offer him not even a glass of water when he's over. And they always invite me to eat on Sundays when they know he will be at work, and he comes to pick me up they don't offer him anything. I'll never forget that time when I secretly texted my mom to be kind and offer him to eat, and she didn't so we ended up eating somewhere else, and I only watched because I was already full from eating a nice meal that my mom made. THat stuff really sucks. Or the time when we were still dating and I invited him a cup of coffee, and my stepfather got mad because nobody told him my then-fiance was coming over. He was only picking me up, I just thought it would be nice to give him some coffee. Unless it is a holiday, my parents do not make my husband feel welcome. So is it any wonder that over time he has become less and less amiable toward them. He used to bring treats and dishes, but it all stopped because why should he make an effort when my mother is always so limited with food and very clearly always only makes barely enough for us on purpose so as to exclude my husband?

I don't know what to do. I want to stay in touch with my parents but my husband is number one. And I really am starting to get tired of them always excluding him. I have talked to them about this, and they tell me it's because of the way he is... but he is that way because of they way they are. I am caught in between and don't know what to do. However, if pull comes to shove I ultimately will stick to my husband and tell them that unless they start treating us like one, I will withdraw from visiting them so often.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

 

[Whisperbailey]

I think your right on track. Stick with your husband. just remember that as our parents get older they become rude, bitchy, and act like real jerks. God bless you sweetie on this one!

 

[misslabeled]

This is the heart of the issue: A person who does not live in the home is a guest in it. Given that, it is your parents who should greet your husband, welcome him, make him feel comfortable. It doesn't matter if you're married for 50 years, he will always be a guest, as will you, since you're made your home with your husband. Even if you throw that out, he will always be your husband (one hopes). That makes him family. You parents need to accept the fact that this is the person you've chosen to spend your life with. This is the person that will father their grandchildren. If he is polite and respectful to them, the same should be offered in return. Even if your parents want to have a few meals with their daughter, their reason for inviting you when they know he can't come, they should also have dinner for both of you at intervals.

If you look back in time, once children were married, parents almost never saw them again. The children moved away and made a life for themselves (did you ever watch Little House on the Prairie? How often di you see the grandparents?) If they force you to make a choice, they need to know it will be your husband. The more they include him, accept him, welcome him, the more they'll see you, and everyone will be better off.