Personally, I would go with the Toyota Highlander. I think it has a very sleek and beautiful look. I feel like it has that look where you, as a man, can drive it and enjoy it without looking like you're driving a chick's car. I was actually just looking at Rav4's and Highlander's at a Toyota dealership a couple of days ago and the Highlander is absolutely gorgeous. Sitting inside of it made me feel like I was sitting in a luxury SUV, haha. And, I believe it was fully loaded for $29000.
As for gas mileage, the Highlander gets slightly better gas mileage according to the car's respective websites.
Pilot - 16/22
Highlander - 18/24
Both Honda's and Toyota's have great resale values and neither are minivans, yet have the space of one, but I would go with the Toyota on this one. Looks good, great gas mileage for an SUV and the best part of all, NOT a minivan (I don't like them either)!