Whew it's hot out here! Summer Mini-Rants

[woodstockbirdybird]

I'm sick to death of grown-ass adults using "cute" words (and of course, as soon as I go to post, only one example comes to mind). Saying "sammich" does not make you seem charming and witty, it makes you sound like a grade-A retard. I detest it when people decide to infantilize language like that. The word "belly" strikes me similarly - say "stomach"; you're not talking to pound puppies. Jesus.

 

[woodstockbirdybird]

Orthography and vocabulary/speech are two very different things. The former is an artificial construction created to represent speech visually, and is highly subject to rules to ensure readability. The latter is natural and is not subject to those same rules.

That's my mini-rant for the day. People who conflate word usage and grammar with punctuation usage and spelling. They do not fall under the same umbrella.

That all said, I've got no personal problem with how you used the punctuation.

You're right - "prescriptivist" was the wrong word. Still, "punctuation Nazi" sounds a bit harsh. However, being anti-prescriptivism, I'm sure she understood the point I was making regardless.

 

[thirdwarning]

Okay, Pinkeye, time for you to go. I hate you, you're annoying, and you're getting in my way. I need to be able to see, and to do that I need to be able to put my contacts in. So BUZZ OFF!! I've had enough of your gunky self.

 

[GuanoLad]

Stupid "swfobject is not defined" error that doesn't make any sense! Argh!

 

[melodyharmonius]

It never ceases to amaze me how often you hear about officiants at funeral or memorial services fucking shit like this up. I mean, c'mon, you can't fucking write it down? Weddings, too--IIRC the woman who married two of my best friends last June didn't get either of their surnames right.

When I went to college, the seminary students were all required to take special speech classes, including a special section on how to write out things phonetically just so they could avoid mispronouncing names during these things.

When i've mentioned this to other pastors/preachers/rabbis - none of them did. :smack:

 

[Kolga]

Honestly, the worst part of this is that it brings out my "pointing and laughing" impulse. I sooooooo want to post his message up for the world to see so I can explain why this made me laugh AT him, not WITH him.

Knock yourself out. There's a blog just for you: Why Women Hate Men

 

[olivesmarch4th]

I'm at work. That is all.

And that's all that needs to be said, really.

 

[niblet_head]

I am sick of your empty threats, The Kiplinger Letter! For over three years you've been sending your little worthless missives to our office in error. Mr. Robert D Bates doesn't work here. His company does not occupy this office.

Yet, like clockwork, once a quarter you send your little "Letter" to my office with "LAST ISSUE ENCLOSED" stamped ominously in red bold on the front.

It's desperate, Kiplinger's. Desperate and unseemly. Mr. Robert D Bates doesn't want to be with you anymore. Can't you just accept it and move on?

 

[Time Stranger]

I am supposed to leave for Costa Rica in four days for a long backpacking/camping trip with my sweetie & some friends who I haven't seen in two months because he's doing research there.

So of course I have someone managed to injure both of my legs to the point where I cannot walk and the simple act of laying in bed is painful. The doctor thinks it's a severe strain from trapeze (or, even better, nerve damage!) and could be weeks before they are fully healed. :smack: No sweet lovin' in the rain forest for me!

 

[rockle]

Dear Mother-in-Law,

You may have been a sainted, blessed, unimpeachable paragon of virtuous womanhood to your late husband, but everybody else thinks you're an asshole, including your son, to whom I have been married for 11 years now. This is not "just a phase." We have a child. I am not going anywhere. Ever. If I were going to get "a better offer," don't you think it would have happened a dozen or so years (and several dozen pounds) ago?

Also: shut up about the goddamned new iPhone 4 you're going to get, and pay your fucking water bill and your car insurance and your property taxes. It's stupid for you to even own your current iPhone because YOU DON'T HAVE A COMPUTER and you don't have any friends who want to call you anyway. Brainless bint.

Love and kisses, see you at the 4th of July Picnic!
xoxo The "Uppity Whore" Your Son Married.

 

[mhendo]

Fucking Craigslist morons.

I'm selling a few things right now, mainly old electrical appliances that we don't need. I got rid of a good 12000 BTU air conditioner the other day to a very nice young guy, and i also have a 5200 BTU air window air conditioner for sale.

Here is the information that i put in the ad:

Frigidaire 5200BTU window air conditioner

Excellent for keeping a bedroom cool.

The webbing that seals the window expanders is coming away a bit and needs to be taped (see picture number 2, below), but it has never been a problem for us.

Dimensions:

Width (main unit): 19 inches
Width (main unit plus expanders): 23.5 inches (or more, depending on your needs)
Height:: 15.5 inches
Depth: 17.5 inches

So a guy calls today and says he wants to look at it. I tell him he can come and look, and reiterate that it's a 5200 BTU unit, and that it's great for a bedroom or other similar room, but not powerful enough for a large area or a whole apartment.

So, he turns up and i bring out the AC and turn it on. He sticks his hand in front of it, says "Yeas, it seems nice and cool," and then asks again how many BTU it is. I tell him, again, and he says that he thought it would be bigger and more powerful.

The goddamn power rating and all the dimensions are right there in the fucking ad! Moron.

 

[Projammer]

Ah, another Microsoft rant. I know how you all love to hear people whining about their computers.

I updated today to patch the 16 or so no doubt serious security flaws that have been discovered since the last time I updated a month or so ago. Now my computer is nagging me to restart. Well, guess what, fucktard? I'm working. I was working 15 minutes ago when you nagged me to reboot, and I was working 30 minutes ago when you nagged me to reboot, and I was working the other 15 or so times you've popped up that annoying fucking dialog today.

Guess what? Reboot later means later . Not fifteen minutes later, but when-I'm-damned -good-and-ready-to-reboot-later Like when I don't have 15 windows and files open and set up just so, so I can retain context while i'm programming.

The shithead who wrote a "Remind me later" dialog without a "Shut the fuck up for at least four hours" button should be jabbed with red hot knitting needles every fifteen minutes.

Sheesh, let's make the update process as annoying and intrusive as possible, and then whine when no one updates their systems.

Allow me to link you to some recreational reading.

"Automatic updates," I hate you!!

Specifically my Post 50 where I bemoan the lack of an STFU button.

Simply put, we feel your pain.

 

[Shot From Guns]

The exceptions are for political parties, charities, and anyone you have ever done business with.

Isn't that exactly how the U.S. DNC list works (I checked, and yes, it is; although businesses are limited in how long they may call you after the interaction, and I can't imagine that Canada's law wouldn't have similar restrictions)? Presumably you can also still asked to be removed from individual lists.

She had a bandanna wrapped around her left leg, and when I asked her if it was some sort of fashion statement, she told me it was to cover up her house-arrest anklet that she got for a DUI. I made a slightly snarky comment

She's a shitheel for driving drunk, and you're a jerk for making smartass comments when you're a guest in the home of her relative. Congrats?

Some of the offices in this building have been ONE HUNDRED DEGREES this week. The windows do not open and it is not a building meant to function without air.

Is that... legal?

 

[Shot From Guns]

She firmly believes that ALL medical issues (cancer, aids, you name it) is caused by our toxin laden diet and that we can cure all medical issues by eating a raw food vegan diet just like her and drinking non-acidic water from a $5,000 machine.

Am I allowed to wish cancer on your sister? (What if they catch it early enough that she lives?)

Here's a very good study on the subject to send her if you dare:

Hah! Hah! Hah! It's so cute how you think that people like this can be convinced by facts or logic or basic fucking biology that a third-grader should know.

Because our caveman ancestors didn't and those things are 'not natural'.

I'll give you a dollar to go to her house and dispose of all her toilet paper, soaps, shampoos, toothpastes, and personal grooming tools (brushes, toothbrushes, razors, etc.). Because you can bet your ass our caveman ancestors didn't use any of that unnatural shit, either. Oh, and you might want to do your best to ensure that she travels everywhere on foot.

 

[Sigmagirl]

Oh, yeah. I bet I know what she was thinking: I haven't been able to find someone to rent the sixth unit, but if I get 20% more from each of the other five tenants it'll come to the same amount of money... Brilliant, no?

I hope you send a copy of your rant to the landlord.

 

[SurrenderDorothy]

What are groupons?

groupons are like... I think you sign up for this website and probably buy a subscription and then you get gift certificates (or maybe just very generous coupons) to local businesses. I'm not entirely sure, I just know that the one for my place came out recently and we've been slammed ever since.

And I'm really glad others think the whole damn thing is outrageous. And that I'm not a horrible uncaring fairweather friend for not going to the entire party. I have a hard time figuring out what's reasonable and what's not- that's one thing I can always count on The Dope for. You won't tell me I'm right just because I'm me.

Anyway, I moved my schedule around for the show. I have to go in to work before and then leave for the show and then go back when it's over. It's a workable solution. I do want to see this show (it's Wicked, one of my favorites, and we have good seats), so I'm glad I'll be able to both see the show and continue having a job.

 

[purplehorseshoe]

Dear New Office Mate,

Must you heave those gigantic my-soul-is-destroyed sighs every 90 seconds? The ones with that little edge of a groan to them, so they sound extra pathetic? Yes, our jobs are boring and repetitive and not fulfilling and mind-numbing and all that. Why must you constantly remind me of that fact? Stop sighing!

 

[woodstockbirdybird]

And all you pendants, go ahead, talk about misuse of the word "irony." I double dog dare you.

I thought your use was like rain on a rainy day.

 

[Shot From Guns]

Must you heave those gigantic my-soul-is-destroyed sighs every 90 seconds? The ones with that little edge of a groan to them, so they sound extra pathetic?

IMO, turn around (or run over there) after every one and ask, in an ostensibly legitimately concerned voice, "Is everything okay?" Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

[GuanoLad]

Maybe he didn't understand your wacky foreign accent.