Whew it's hot out here! Summer Mini-Rants

[melodyharmonius]

Furthermore, do NOT walk in to a meeting and go in to great detail about the food you were going to bring, but did not. I really don't want to hear about it.

Especially you, who told us all about the cake you were going to bring, but then you remembered that I have celiac's and can't eat it. Way to make me the person to blame that you didn't bring something.

In the meantime, feel free to eat all my chips, dips, popcorn, fruit, and drinks. Good thing I bought so much, seeing as none of the rest of you did.

 

[anya marie]

Melodyharmonius: my family gets the same little bastards fucking with our cars in NW Indiana, and they fuck with the crappy old Jeeep, Mom's car, Dad's car, my grandpa's 97 Pontiac, and it's AGGRAVATING. These little shitstains have busted windows in the cars, broke the mirrors off, stolen change from the cupholder, and once they also stole the Amigo-type scooter from my grandfather's car.



And FUCK YOU Cialis ADS. Fuck you for being on 99% of channels, for being lame, fake and fuck you for your trite notions of romance. Fuck your bathtubs, too.

 

[Shot From Guns]

Fuck you and your RealID, Blizzard. This is the worst idea you've ever had. I can only pray that you come to your senses and dig Facebook's cock out of your ass long enough to straighten things out, or I might have to stop playing WoW. And I really, really don't want to do that.

We are only asking that you guys honor your end of the contract, dammit!

What are you... some kind of Socialist?!

What I do is cut and paste the email addresses into a word processor, use the powerful search and replace function until they are one address per line, and then replace each hard return with semicolon plus space. That then goes into the BCC field.

That's not a mail merge.

And manners aren't just "things I personally wish everyone would do." I remember absolutely no subset of business etiquette that requires a prospective employer to respond to applicants. But feel free to dig up some Emily Post or Miss Manners and prove me wrong.

 

[Sigmagirl]

Damn. I hope you hear some good news soon.

Nothing yet. He was in the cath lab early this a.m. He's in another state and his wife is, understandably, not able to make dozens of calls, so she's posting on Facebook from her phone. No updates for hours -- I just checked. Maybe that's at least not bad news.

 

[Cicero]

When the Siamese cat yawns it sticks its tongue out. It seems to have a long tongue.

She yawned tonight and stuck her tongue out so I pulled it.

The fucker bit me.

 

[melodyharmonius]

Not a rant, but just an amusing related story. Years back at a previous company, they hired a new CFO too. The assistant to the previous CFO was a very nice, but pretty flaky young woman. She was nervous about the new guy liking her and afraid he'd want to bring in his own person. On his very first day, I was in his office setting up his PC, and as he was walking in, the pocket of his pants got snagged on the strike plate of the door knob and tore. He was visibly PO'd (and probably embarrassed.) Well, the assistant, in an effort to help and ingratiate herself, ran in with her stapler at the ready (flipped open to staple on a flat surface...) The look he gave her was priceless. She didn't last much longer.

ZOMG. That's just . . . bad.

I once had the inside hem of my skirt come loose right before an interview. Thinking quickly, I stapled it. What I didnt' think about was which way the staples went - and sometime during the tour of the plant one of the staples caught the leg of my pantyhose. I spent the rest of the tour trying to detach it when he wasn't looking, or trying to walk with a confident stride without revealing that my leg was attached to the front of my skirt . . . .

Fortunately, I got the job.

 

[overlyverbose]

That stupid ad that pimps green tea as a weight loss miracle: the not-so-fine print says "With proper diet and exercise". No shit? With "proper diet and exercise" you can eat burgers and fries and lose weight.

Is that the stuff (or one of the products anyway) that claims to get rid of all the mysterious toxins that are making you fat? I hate, hate, hate hearing about toxins. I swear, if you asked these schils what they were, they'd have no idea. Eat some fiber, take a shit and then go for a walk. Ta-dah! Toxins gone!

 

[Chimera]

I'm watching "Parking Wars" on tv*, and I'd like to send a big raspberry out to the attendees of the big Baptist convention who got all offended and huffy and self-righteous when they all got tickets because they were all parked in a no-parking zone. Your reward might be in the next life, but in this life, you still have to obey the signs.

Had this conversation with my sister the other day, who is a building inspector and thus is in a position to write citations for violations.

If you do something wrong, and get caught an punished, and your first reaction is to get indignant about it and scream about how you are a CHRISTIAN, then as far as I am concerned, your fine/penalty/jail sentence should be immediately doubled. Because if, as you claim, you are a Christian, then you should have known up front that what you were doing was WRONG and you should not have done it. Then, after the fact, to claim that you should not be punished because you are a Christian makes you not only a complete dumbass, but a hypocrite as well.

 

[Kaio]

Maybe they turned the water off for when the new equipment was scheduled to arrive, but then the delivery truck was late. In which case it would be the fault of the late delivery and not the building staff.

Yes, it was a (very) late delivery. You're missing the point. What kind of idiot disconnects the pipes before they even have the replacement parts there? If you're still waiting for the delivery truck, DON'T MESS WITH THE PLUMBING. Wait until the delivery arrives. Because, you know, you can't actually DO anything without those parts. And the tenants would like to be able to drink, shower, and cook in the meantime.

I don't give a flying fuck whose "fault" it was, the entire thing was mishandled, and there was a smarter way to approach it.

 

[Rala]

What are you... some kind of Socialist?!

Ooh, that reminds me of another thing that's pissing me off.

I've recently started going to meetings of a local Socialist organisation. I don't identify as a socialist (I just can't muster up enough enthusiasm about politics) but hey, they've got some interesting ideas and they're active in causes I want to be a part of. Mum is very concerned that ... I dunno, that I'll become a terrorist or something. After the meeting tonight, we had the following conversation.

Her: What did you talk about?
Me: Mainly same-sex marriage.
Her: For or against?
Me: For.
Her: Really?
Me: Yeah, why not?
Her: I thought they'd be against it. The Bible says you're not supposed to.
Me: No it doesn't.
Her: Yes. I don't remember where, but it says men who lie with other men are bad.
My brain:1. You don't even know where, it's just in there somewhere? Great argument, Mum.
2. I do know where. In the same bit that tells us to eat kosher, shun women who have their periods, never get tattoos and kill witches.
3. Hi Opal!
4. Biblical scholars say that in the social context of the time yadda yadda yadda, that's not the purpose of this rant.
Me: *discusses point 4*
Her: I'm not saying I don't approve, just that the Bible says it's wrong.
Me: Whatever. Why would that mean the group would be against it?
Her: I thought they'd be against it because the Bible says you're not supposed to.
Me: Well, it was Marx who said "Religion is the opiate of the masses."
Her: Who?
Me: Karl Marx.
Her: You believe Marx rather than the Bible?
Me: They believe Marx. They're socialists.

There was irritated silence until the car briefly drove up onto the curb. For what happened next, see my previous post.

I love you Mum, but damn it, tonight you make me want to bang my head against a wall.

 

[Shot From Guns]

I suppose as long as we avoid going to certain eating establishments, we can hang out.

While I might make myself a sammich (and delight in calling it such, repeatedly, because "sammich" is fun to say... sammich sammich sammich), I highly doubt I'd ever order one, unless the menu explicitly designated it as such.

 

[Nava]

olives, please tell me you're the kind of vampire that fries in the sun and not the kind that sparkles? Please please please?

 

[Dr. Drake]

For fuck's sake, Panera, turn down the AC. It's freaking cold in here! All year long.

I think they do this to discourage patrons from lingering at the free coffee refills too long. On a hot day, the first thought is "refreshing!" and then, once people start to shiver, they leave. Or it could be that the people who are working (and moving around) like it cooler than the ones who are just sitting.

My mini-rant: You know, I spend several hours researching and writing a job application. It only takes a few minutes to email me "No way dude u r teh looser" or something. Why would hiring people excuse you from common courtesy? And to those who anounce ahead of time that they won't get back to everyone: posting on your website that you're going to be rude does not make it okay. (Honestly, how hard it is to cut and paste a form email to even a few hundred people? Has no one heard of mail merge?)

 

[Shot From Guns]

Bee keepers are not inherently dorky.

No, but their outfits are. Which is kind of the point.

"To the Beemobile!"
"You mean your Chevy?"
"...Yes."

This fucking sucks. Not only are they going to be mad at me for having to blow them off, but I'm out another $75 that I won't even get to use. I'm going to talk to my boss today about the possibility of letting me off at 2:30, but I really don't know. And I don't want to be a bitch about it because obviously the party and the wedding are not about me and shouldn't be planned to accommodate my pain-in-the-ass schedule, but it still sucks for me.

This person doesn't sound like a friend; she sounds like an entitled bitch. It's an important day for her and her fiance, but that doesn't extend to expecting everyone to reschedule their lives repeatedly on short notice and spend well beyond their means to participate in the ceremony. I'd tell her to get fucked; you may want to simply tender your regrets that your schedule and budget do not allow you to attend, send a nice card, and spend what would have gone towards a gift on a nice bottle of wine to treat yourself to while you ignore any entitled whining from the bride's direction.

 

[descamisado]

Yeah, he was gone in a month.

She didn't last much longer.

When your life is meaningless and you can't seem to get anywhere and the assholes seem to be winning, words to live by.

 

[LurkMeister]

So I turn my computer on this morning, and while listening to the usual noises it makes when booting up it occurs to me that the screen is still black. Then it registers that the power light on the monitor is off. I press the power button and nothing happens. Check both ends of the power cord to confirm that one of the cats hasn't managed to pull something loose; even though that's never happened before there's always a first time. Try plugging the monitor into a different outlet, which doesn't help.

Sigh. Get dressed, take the bus to Staples, and come home with a new 29" widescreen monitor, hook it up, and all is well again. Except that I had to spend money that wasn't in this month's budget.

 

[Shot From Guns]

Why the hell do you think I can magically give you a number to charge a fucking prize to when I was absolutely not involved with getting this expense approved? I'm not going to pull some random recognition billing code out of the list when I have no idea where the stupid thing was budgeted from. Ask the moron who organized the drawing--IF he got approval through the appropriate channels, HE will know where to charge the prize to.

 

[mhendo]

I'm watching "Parking Wars" on tv*, and I'd like to send a big raspberry out to the attendees of the big Baptist convention who got all offended and huffy and self-righteous when they all got tickets because they were all parked in a no-parking zone. Your reward might be in the next life, but in this life, you still have to obey the signs.

I've always wondered about this, because i've been in quite a few cities where the regular rules of parking and road use seem to be waived for churches and other religious properties.

Anyone who has tried to get parking in San Francisco knows what a nightmare it can be, and yet on a few occasions when my wife and i have been in the city (we visit regularly) i've seen churchgoers parked in the middle lane of the road (the turning lane). My wife, who is from SF, says it's quite common practice. I'm not sure if there's a city ordinance allowing them to park there during services, or if the authorities simply turn a blind eye because they're going to church.

Similarly, in New York a few weeks ago, i noticed that most churches and synagogues in Manhattan have large swaths of "no parking" area out the front, on streets where parking is allowed everywhere else. I don't think we should make these sorts of exceptions to our civic codes for religious institutions.

 

[Zsofia]

Serves you right!

 

[Shot From Guns]

Don't send me some random snippet of boilerplate text and tell me it's for the Client XYZ proposal. WHICH Client XYZ proposal? Is this going to the same one as the edits I'm doing for someone else in the office? If so, why are you sending it to me and not the person who's got control of this document? Why isn't there any note from you about where to insert it, or a note in the other person's changes about where to insert it?

Ugh.

Just start responding to "It's me" with "Who?" They'll get the picture sooner or later.

Follow-up corollary:

If I identify you via caller ID and pick up with, "Hi, Person X," don't open with, "Hi, its's PersonX." It just makes it sound like you're not listening to me at all.

Nothing yet.

Still alive? Hopefully stable? Even if they haven't yet figure out why he had the heart attack, I'd say that's pretty good.