Whew it's hot out here! Summer Mini-Rants

[Shot From Guns]

Anyway, I think I'll take you up on that drink.

If STLMO is St. Louis, if you start driving around 10 or 11 a.m. tomorrow, you should get here right about the time I get off work.

 

[Shot From Guns]

Coworkers:

Stop being "helpful" by trying to do things you don't know how to do. Just fucking ask me to do it. You're going to eventually anyway, and it will be much easier for both of us if I don't have to undo you fuckups first.

 

[Cat Whisperer]

My thoughts on hearing something like that from a director - "Dude. Is there something wrong with you?" Unprofessional indeed.

What did the guy do? Huh? Huh? You can tell us.

 

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

When my son comes in my office YET AGAIN to talk about Bionicles for twenty uninterrupted minutes YET AGAIN, it's all I can do not to either start talking about Broadway musicals for twenty uninterrupted minutes or just look him in the eye and say, "Son, what in the world makes you think I will find this subject interesting? Have you NOT noticed me tuning you out and mumbling "mmm-hmmm" over and over again without so much as looking at you the last thirty times you've done this?"

I mean, REALLY. You're SIXTEEN. Start obsessing about GIRLS, for god's sake -- now THAT I'll talk about for as long as you want!

You have a son that obsesses over Bionicles at the age of sixteen? And you like Broadway musicals?

Perhaps Bionicles set to show tunes in a video play? YouTube?

 

[Nava]

Dear Government:

it is July. That means I have to do my Q2 taxes. VAT, no problem: I found the form, filled it, paid for it.

Income tax, though. When you redid the webpage to add all those texts about how wonderful our taxes are, where the fuck did you hide the income tax quarterlies for self-employed people? We're only over 40% of the people paying direct taxes in the region, why should we be able to find our forms so we can give you money, eh? EEEEH?

I do hope you left someone in town when y'all went on vacation and that someone can answer my "help request", cos I'm going to be mighty pissed if I'm late with my taxes because you hid the form and then went on vacation.




Not my government, but related to silenus' last mini. Dear utility companies:

If a field in the form is compulsory, mark it. You know, you put an asterisk (they look like this: *) behind the field's name and then at the bottom of the whole form you put a line that says:

* indica un campo obligatorio

Is that so difficult that you can't do it? And why are you making compulsory fields such as "landline" and then reject any phone number listed there which doesn't begin by "9" (hello, like almost half the people in Spain, I do not have a landline you can call me at, plus anyway I do not want you to call me)? Why do you require a fax number? Who the fuck still uses faxes? Oh, wait, I know the answer to this one: utility companies. But you're the only ones! Why do your CSRs go into mode when they try to get me to fax some documents over and I ask for an email address instead?

The 20th Century is over! Move on!

 

[Sigmagirl]

Our friend had a heart attack at 2 a.m. Still waiting for update. Fuck.

 

[Cat Whisperer]

{stands up, starts standing ovation}

 

[Shot From Guns]

I'm angry at them for turning the water off for the entire day when it was completely unnecessary and unreasonable for them to do so.

Maybe they turned the water off for when the new equipment was scheduled to arrive, but then the delivery truck was late. In which case it would be the fault of the late delivery and not the building staff.

I am tossing stuff ... but i also think that it's a bit of a waste. My problem is more with manufacturers and not other people.

Oh, I was picturing unmarked containers of leftovers. I didn't even think it was possible to buy perishable packaged products without listed expiry dates anymore.

 

[olivesmarch4th]

And what did you do? Instead of supporting her when she needed it most, you flipped out, got completely hysterical, crying and yelling, "Oh, God, I'm devastated! I just can't deal with it now." Then you had the gall to call me, sobbing, talking about how your grandchild was taken away from you.

Brutal. My deepest sympathies to your sister (and to you, for having to deal with all this.)

 

[StarvingButStrong]

Um. For a lot of women, orgasms feel different after hysterectomy. The difference for you may be great or small, and certainly you may feel the change will be worth it for what you're gaining and losing, but it's still something you might want to at least get informed about ahead of time.

(It may seem unbelievable, but some gyns are positively shy about getting into discussions of sexual pleasure or even opening up the subject as a factor to consider.)

 

[Ferret Herder]

After having to continuously answer the loudly-bellowed question, "Oh, my gawd! What is that sound? Do you know what that is? We should report it to maintenance! Where is it coming from?" I was a little pissed. But do you know what really pissed me off? The women banging on my stall door while I was pumping asking me what the noise was. Goddamn it! It's bad enough I have to pump in the toilet. Will you fuck off and give me some goddamn privacy?

I'm hoping that your responses included the last three sentences of this paragraph. Well, I guess the second sentence is optional.

 

[woodstockbirdybird]

"Psh, guys, c'mon! I wanna sound like a badass, not some fag!"

Yep, that pretty much describes most boys in grammar school/early junior high. That might be a buuuurn! if I still felt that way; however, you're the one equating "cutesy" with being a "fag". I just find it cloying and saccharine and (for the billionth time) infantile. But by all means, keep making jabs because I called out one of your pet words as moronic. As this highly judgmental internet acquaintance (who, of course, believed they were anything but judgmental, and were only fighting the good fight to point out the hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness of the stupid fools that ruined society for the rest of us) once said: "All it influences is my opinion of you". Though she would have put the period inside the quotation marks.

 

[Algher]

TSA has decided that a Boy Scout carrying a D-Cell Mag Lite is not to be trifled with. Said D-Cell Mag Lite is now the property of TSA.

Glad to hear the skies continue to be safe from Boy Scouts with flashlights. Carry on.

In the meantime, I will pick up a new flashlight for my son.

 

[LurkMeister]

Splattering likwid shitz, I haz dem.

It was only a milkshake, FFS!

Welcome to lactose intolerance. Stock up on some lactase pills and you'll be fine.

I had this last night, even though I took a lactaid with the cheese I decided to treat myself to. Maybe I should have taken two, like I did on Wednesday night when I splurged on an entire pint of B&J Strawberry Cheesecake (I usually limit myself to a half pint at a time, but it had been soooooo long).

 

[anya marie]

My kitchen is halway through a renovation - i don't HAVE my pantry back yet. I washed the pile of dirty towels in the bathroom and no slippers... but if i buy a pair they'll be found.

 

[Shot From Guns]

I sent out the final version of those two decks for your reference. The phrasing of the email made it VERY CLEAR that they were being printed RIGHT THEN, and if nothing else the fact that the email went out at 5 p.m. on the dot should tell you that the person printing them was going to do it RIGHT THEN, because she should have been walking out the door.

So WHY THE FUCK is there a reply email at 6 p.m. from you, saying, "Oh, here are some more changes"? And why is one of them about your bio saying you sent a more recent version to someone who wasn't me? Hint: IT WASN'T ME. If you want that shit to get in the deck, you have to send it to... THE PERSON PUTTING TOGETHER THE DECK.

Well, I found another number and made my hotel reservation. The other number never returned my call at all. That's professional.

You should thank them. Pretty small price to pay to avoid a hotel that's sure to be terribly run.

But do you know what really pissed me off? The women banging on my stall door while I was pumping asking me what the noise was. Goddamn it! It's bad enough I have to pump in the toilet. Will you fuck off and give me some goddamn privacy?

You should have told her it was some kind of sex toy. Or a pump for your colostomy bag.

Our friend had a heart attack at 2 a.m. Still waiting for update. Fuck.

 

[Shot From Guns]

Every time we're arranging your travel, I ask you the same questions. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. So why do you keep sending me meeting invitations and asking me to check flights WITHOUT ANY OF THE INFORMATION I ALWAYS FUCKING ASK YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME?

 

[Lacunae Matata]

Stupid insurance company! Why is it that, when you're mailing us stuff saying "nope, we are denying these benefits/charges/whatevers," the envelope arrives at my house 1.5 to 2 business days after posting; but when you (allegedly) cut us a check for my husband's short-term disability (which you screwed up to start with, and is already two weeks behind,) it takes anywhere from one week to 10 days for it to arrive? (I love the fact that all of your mailing envelopes are pre-printed with "Stop Insurance Fraud" logos, too. Makes me want to report y'all for fraud!) Seriously - we've jumped through every hoop, gotten every pre-approval, submitted every report (usually in triplicate,) stood on our heads and whistled the Star Spangled Banner, and you still won't stop fucking around with us. We're not trying to claim frivolous stuff - my prenatal care, labor, & delivery; well-baby visits and immunizations; and my husband's knee surgeries (which he'd gladly have done without, judging by the fact that his physical therapy made him cry and throw up today ) We are only asking that you guys honor your end of the contract, dammit!

Can I have a drink, too?

 

[melodyharmonius]

For All You Staple fans:

The small company I worked for decided to hire this new CFO out of the blue - basically pissing all over my boss, the controller, who had been keeping them afloat for the past 10 years, and had been acting CFO.

So the new CFO comes up to me on the first day and asks for some staples. I show him where the supply closet is and give him a box of staples. He then explains to me that he needs staples that are sharp - chisel-point staples. Because he does a lot of stapling and he needs to make sure the staples go through on the first try.

He then takes out a strip of staples, breaks one off, and holds it up to the light. Then he lays it on my counter and bends down to eye it at level. Then he pokes his finger with the staple and decides it's not chisel pointed enough . . . .

Yeah, he was gone in a month.

 

[mhendo]

mhendo, if you want to look like you're taking the high road, just tell people you're going to continue to capitalize the products that way until Mac stops manufacturing their iPods in hellish Chinese slave labor camps. That'll shut 'em up.

ETA: Just make sure your own iPod's nowhere in sight when you say it.

I don't own an IpOd or any other apPlE product, although my wife does have a M@Cb0oK pR0 provided by her university.

My music player is a Sansa Clip Plus, which i bought for running, and which i love. And which, unfortunately, is probably also made in some hellish Chinese slave labor camp.