Cat Grenade
New member
i'm 21, and i've been out of high school for a few years. i only have one close friend, and she's basically obliged to hang out with me because she has no friends either (but people like her a lot more than they do me, just take my word for it). my best friend of about 15 years that goes to college up north came down to visit, and she's really different. she drinks all the time, and everything she says is kind of shallow, though i don't want to call her on it these days. everything she says is to sound impressive, but on the flip side, she is a really fun, sociable person, also pretty, so everybody loves her. she has a problem with drinking, that i don't see her ever admitting to, and she does shrooms, and goes to parties and listens to velvet underground (she lives in northern california). i'm really reserved, prefer kick-backs to full-blown parties, i don't hook up with people at parties, i don't dance, i like to talk if i'm drunk, but that's it. i'm kind of a stick in the mud, that's the vibe i get anyway. i don't want to be, but i am painfully shy, like to the point that i need to seek out a therapist and get medication (social anxiety disorder type shy).
so, my long-time best friend seems like she's in a different world than i am. i don't feel comfortable referring to myself as her best friend because it seems untrue, and thus awkward. now, i have one friend that doesn't even care for me that much, and i don't know, socially, where to go from here.
i'm 21, and never dated a guy, not even for a week. i like guys, but i always feel immediately rejected, and resolve to not even try because it's too difficult to exist around them. there's too much pressure to be 'likeable', and i hate rejection, and i hate putting out that kind of effort just to feel like a dumbass when he swoons over someone prettier, and funnier.
i feel like my future is playing on the internet all day in an apartment by myself, and being a total recluse. i want to get off this path, but i'm never any good at making friends because of my shyness. i have put myself out there many times, and i just put a wall up whenever i do that i don't know how to take down. it's just an instinct to be as distant as possible when i'm around people, but i don't want to be alone. i want to be understood by someone that i respect as well- to have a real connection with someone like i was able to in elementary school and some of junior high.
so, like the question states- where do i go from here?
(aka, what would you do?)
so, my long-time best friend seems like she's in a different world than i am. i don't feel comfortable referring to myself as her best friend because it seems untrue, and thus awkward. now, i have one friend that doesn't even care for me that much, and i don't know, socially, where to go from here.
i'm 21, and never dated a guy, not even for a week. i like guys, but i always feel immediately rejected, and resolve to not even try because it's too difficult to exist around them. there's too much pressure to be 'likeable', and i hate rejection, and i hate putting out that kind of effort just to feel like a dumbass when he swoons over someone prettier, and funnier.
i feel like my future is playing on the internet all day in an apartment by myself, and being a total recluse. i want to get off this path, but i'm never any good at making friends because of my shyness. i have put myself out there many times, and i just put a wall up whenever i do that i don't know how to take down. it's just an instinct to be as distant as possible when i'm around people, but i don't want to be alone. i want to be understood by someone that i respect as well- to have a real connection with someone like i was able to in elementary school and some of junior high.
so, like the question states- where do i go from here?
(aka, what would you do?)