It's ruined my 20s. I'm soon to be 27 and I have had massive anxiety since 21 and before that it was floating about in me but not a big deal.
Since the last 6 years I have had very little feelings and have felt very aggresive but never acted out any of my feelings. My mind feels like it has been taken over and I'm just there watching trying to compete with whatever is going on. I've improved somehow but I can't shake the memories of my past anxiety because it gets triggered whenever I'm around people so I then still think I'm the same as I was.
I know I have had schizophrenic symptoms aswell but I've not had any medication because I'm worried what they would give me wouldn't work and I'd get obese.
I've lost friends and family think I'm evil or it's in my control. I've got a huge heart and I try and show people how much I mean well but they(family) always have that "You're fn crazy" look on there face.
I could be a bad person but I've done ok, worked and stayed out of trouble.
I'm running out of ideas. I drink alot as it's been my only friend but now the hangovers are really bad. Family don't understand, they don't know the pain I've been in and I've put on a brave face, sat there and all they are worried about is how I'm making them feel, or how there douche boyfriends feel because they see me looking angry/sad/down. They don't care about me.
Since the last 6 years I have had very little feelings and have felt very aggresive but never acted out any of my feelings. My mind feels like it has been taken over and I'm just there watching trying to compete with whatever is going on. I've improved somehow but I can't shake the memories of my past anxiety because it gets triggered whenever I'm around people so I then still think I'm the same as I was.
I know I have had schizophrenic symptoms aswell but I've not had any medication because I'm worried what they would give me wouldn't work and I'd get obese.
I've lost friends and family think I'm evil or it's in my control. I've got a huge heart and I try and show people how much I mean well but they(family) always have that "You're fn crazy" look on there face.
I could be a bad person but I've done ok, worked and stayed out of trouble.
I'm running out of ideas. I drink alot as it's been my only friend but now the hangovers are really bad. Family don't understand, they don't know the pain I've been in and I've put on a brave face, sat there and all they are worried about is how I'm making them feel, or how there douche boyfriends feel because they see me looking angry/sad/down. They don't care about me.