Where do i begin........

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CTguy2054

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I started abusing perscription drugs in 2002....things like percocet, darovcet, vicodin. This was not a recreational thing from the start. I have had stomach pain on and off since then that is pretty severe. I am pretty sure i have had every stomach test known to man and I still dont know whats wrong. First I had a horrible doctor who was careless and went from the lighter narcotics, to things like morphine and the patches. This led me upto a breakdown in 2004. In May 2004 I went into a psych ward to detox. I then followed up with three months of outpaintent addiction therapy. For a while I was ok. Now I do have to say that i have been married since 2004 and have a 7yr old stepson. She has stood by me through everything. About a year ago I started to have bad pain again and started using the narcotics again. It has been on and off since then. I left my wife to "get some space" in June and she is still at my beckon call. I told her I left to get over my addiction, but I didnt believe that i was dealing with one at the time. Now that I have had my own place, I realize that it is still controlling my life. I get painkillers on and off, drink a bit (but not obsessivly), and was recently diagnosed with ADHD and put on Adderall 10mg, and Xanex prn. I have been trying to take these responsibly and Im still not even sure if i need them. But i continue to go through tests on my stomach and abuse the painkillers. About 20 percocet 5mg a day if i can get my hanRAB on them. I know I have a problem and want it to stop, but I don't know where to start. I dont feel like I can be a good husband or stepdad until i can control this thing. I guess Im just asking where to start or what to do......Im at a loss...Thanks......
 
Hey CTguy,

Welcome. Boy... you are in a spot we have all been in. It does sound like you may be "ready" to make a change.. and it sounRAB like that would be a good idea. I was in your exact same shoes for over 8.5 months. My stomach hurt so bad all the time. They ran every darn test known to man.. Finally I said.. I think it's my gallbladder.. I did some looking on webmd and the symptom tracker told me.. So I told my Dr. After months of giving me drugs to mask it (after a while I did not mind one bit) they did a test specifically for the gallbladder and sure enough.. It had to come out.. It did.. about a month ago.. I then weaned down off all my meRAB... I am now not on anything. You CAN do this.. WE are here for you..
Hang in there.. Addiction sucks. I am struggling right now with the thought of missing the high I used to get.. So then I try to focus on positive things.
This place has helped me a lot! Stick around.. It saved my life.
~Secrets
 
I appreciate your input. I really do want to fix this and i know the first thing is surviving the withdrawl, then its missing the high...Ive been there before and did okay for a bit. I guess this time I just don't know how to stop or where to start. I don't think its a lack of wanting to get better. Yeah, i was hoping it was my gallbladder...it wasn't. The tests continue, in the mean time i know if i stop i can survive without the pain meRAB. With the exception of oral surgery thursday, but i think there is a time and place. Anyway, im not making excuses, Thanks
 
Well, you hang in there.. Yes, there is a time and a place. I am a firm believer that there is a right and wrong time to make the change. You HAVE to be ready in order for this to work. So.. when you are 100 committed then you will know and you will make your move.

Good luck with surgery! I had all 4 wisdoms out last march.. That is when my addiction was SEVERELY elavated.. I ended up getting dry sockets on all 4 and it was so painful... Anyways... The Dr. of course felt so bad for me... so what did he do? Pumped me full of the drugs which I gladly accepted.. How shameful of me.... anyways... after that week.. I HAD to have them... ALL THE TIME... I got up to 10 percocet a day. Then they switched me because they felt that was too much.. So they put me on Oxycontin and percocet for break thru pain... What a cycle... Just try to make smart choices for now and you will make the big leap again when you are ready... We will be here every step of the way!
~Secrets
 
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