i've been reading about buddhism lately
i tried to recognize my ego today and somethng happened. i completely went with the will of another person, in this case my father. normally we do not get along, i find him controlling and negative. today i just recognized the thoughts as thoughts, an expression of the ego, and decided to "go with it". there was absolutely no fear. i still felt angry, depressed, joyous, nervous, etc. but they all passed, and replaced by something else. on top of that i was noticed the way trees moved, the shaking of my father's hands when he talked, the beatin of a dog's heart as he waited for his owner to get back. all the while i wanted to move.. to do things.. to interact and have my way, but i let it pass, and it was replaced by something else.
by the end of the day, i felt exhausted and wanted to be alone. even that is ego, even now my recollection is not happening in real time so it's not "real"... it has happened. the me now is not the me of today. but i wanted to know something. when you take this kind of thinking (or absence of thinking) to extremes, do you become completely numb to all stimuli? do you not want to interact at all? because that's where it felt like it was going and it was scary. thanks to any who read and reply.
i tried to recognize my ego today and somethng happened. i completely went with the will of another person, in this case my father. normally we do not get along, i find him controlling and negative. today i just recognized the thoughts as thoughts, an expression of the ego, and decided to "go with it". there was absolutely no fear. i still felt angry, depressed, joyous, nervous, etc. but they all passed, and replaced by something else. on top of that i was noticed the way trees moved, the shaking of my father's hands when he talked, the beatin of a dog's heart as he waited for his owner to get back. all the while i wanted to move.. to do things.. to interact and have my way, but i let it pass, and it was replaced by something else.
by the end of the day, i felt exhausted and wanted to be alone. even that is ego, even now my recollection is not happening in real time so it's not "real"... it has happened. the me now is not the me of today. but i wanted to know something. when you take this kind of thinking (or absence of thinking) to extremes, do you become completely numb to all stimuli? do you not want to interact at all? because that's where it felt like it was going and it was scary. thanks to any who read and reply.