I am referring more to parents who are planning on adopting a foster child as opposed to a foster family that does short term care.
I am contemplating single parent adoption someday but I am just trying to think things out first before going forward and I have already done so for many emotional and behavioral issues, and my family has adopted kids too starting when I was a teenager.
I am just trying to put myself in the shoes of a little boy who meets his potential future parent(s) and if it were me on the first visit I wouldn't really want to talk about new rules and punishment and stuff like that.
So on one had I wouldn't want him to think I am already planning on how he is going to be disciplined in which way and that is what our relationship will be about, but on the other hand I wouldn't want him to get the idea that I would be just this fun friendly guy who is never going to punish him for anything and not have any strict rules about important things. So did you usually wait until the next visit when you start to settle into a relationship to get more into the complex parts of the parenting and child relationships, or did you have that discussion right away after you met for a day or two?
I just kind of want some ideas on how to establish the relationship that you are planning on having a parent-child relationship where you are going to have the pleasant moments of fun and quality time, but also the unpleasant moments of setting firm rules and carrying out punishment at the same time. I understand that a foster child has an emotionally difficult time adjusting to being allowed to do one thing with one family but not with the other, and getting a light consequence such as no video games for a few hours at one house, and a harsh punishment like being grounded for a week at another house. When we were doing adoption and foster care we had one child that we didn't end up adopting because the relationship wasn't working out with the conflicts he was having with the other children and their safety. The way he got punished at his foster home is he and the other kids would lose privileges for like 2 hours and earn them back, but when he started throwing a tantrum at our house and my mom grounded him for the whole day he was devastated because he wasn't use to such punishment.
So any stories about how you came to common ground with your adopted children after first meeting would be appreciated.
Thanks Everyone.
Thank you Sunny, I actually have 2 dogs. I also have a parrot and five younger siblings which I frequently spend time with.
So with your response implying that I am some social isolated freak who is probably either trolling or lusting over children, your reading of me as a person and your theory on why I want to adopt a child has failed miserably. Next...
I am contemplating single parent adoption someday but I am just trying to think things out first before going forward and I have already done so for many emotional and behavioral issues, and my family has adopted kids too starting when I was a teenager.
I am just trying to put myself in the shoes of a little boy who meets his potential future parent(s) and if it were me on the first visit I wouldn't really want to talk about new rules and punishment and stuff like that.
So on one had I wouldn't want him to think I am already planning on how he is going to be disciplined in which way and that is what our relationship will be about, but on the other hand I wouldn't want him to get the idea that I would be just this fun friendly guy who is never going to punish him for anything and not have any strict rules about important things. So did you usually wait until the next visit when you start to settle into a relationship to get more into the complex parts of the parenting and child relationships, or did you have that discussion right away after you met for a day or two?
I just kind of want some ideas on how to establish the relationship that you are planning on having a parent-child relationship where you are going to have the pleasant moments of fun and quality time, but also the unpleasant moments of setting firm rules and carrying out punishment at the same time. I understand that a foster child has an emotionally difficult time adjusting to being allowed to do one thing with one family but not with the other, and getting a light consequence such as no video games for a few hours at one house, and a harsh punishment like being grounded for a week at another house. When we were doing adoption and foster care we had one child that we didn't end up adopting because the relationship wasn't working out with the conflicts he was having with the other children and their safety. The way he got punished at his foster home is he and the other kids would lose privileges for like 2 hours and earn them back, but when he started throwing a tantrum at our house and my mom grounded him for the whole day he was devastated because he wasn't use to such punishment.
So any stories about how you came to common ground with your adopted children after first meeting would be appreciated.
Thanks Everyone.
Thank you Sunny, I actually have 2 dogs. I also have a parrot and five younger siblings which I frequently spend time with.
So with your response implying that I am some social isolated freak who is probably either trolling or lusting over children, your reading of me as a person and your theory on why I want to adopt a child has failed miserably. Next...