I am 17. I have felt so different to everyone else for so long. I have always been weird, especially when I was a kid. I was so random and weird in primary school (ages 4-11) and I always made my peers laugh with the things that I came out with. Saying that, I didn't have many friends. I remember meeting a few kids my age when I was about 10. They asked me what school I go to and I remember saying, "I go to St. cat pig tail." I know it sounds bizarre, but that's just what I was like. I remember my teacher telling my class that we were going to have a cake sale and I blurted out really loud, "I'm gonna make crispy cakes!" and everyone laughed. I also remember my older cousin coming to my house when I was about 10 and she asked me if I was ok, and I said "No, I've got cancer." Yes, that's really, really messed up. I'm still "weird" but I would never say anything like that now. At the age of 9/10, I was also extremely obsessed with drawing random faces for quite a while. I would draw about 6 faces on a page, make up names for them and go around each family member and ask them to tick their favourite one. I did this every day for months, maybe over a year. I think things started to change when I started high school at age 11. Everyone was growing up and they were just too cool for me. Too "normal" I guess. Initially, my personality didn't change when I started high school, but instead of laughing along, my peers would just say "shut up weird girl." This really got to me. I was so unhappy. Eventually, I just stopped talking in school to avoid receiving mean remarks from people and I didn't have any friends. My school reports went from, "She is an outgoing member of the class who is easily distracted" (primary school) to my high school reports which would say "She is a reserved member of the class who doesn't participate enough in class discussions." I think I was most confused from the ages of 11-15, like most teens I guess. I remember one christmas, about 3 years ago, my whole family came to my house and I just sat in the room with them in silence. I didn't want to talk because I didn't know what to say, and I felt that I'd say something stupid if I did actually talk. When they went home, I went to my room and cried. I've done that quite a few times over the past two years. I've felt so out of place that I've just gone home and cried. Anyway, at the moment, I still feel odd. I have anxiety around people. When family members come to my house, I hide in my room and pray that they won't come in and talk. If they do, I can feel my heart beating faster and faster. I prefer to be alone, although I do have about 3 close friends. Too much social interaction just leaves me exhausted and it drains me. I find it hard to make eye contact with people and I always feel like I'm being judged. For about 15 months now, I've been feeling really depressed and I've had suicidal thoughts. (I know it sounds pathetic..) I wouldn't act upon them, though.. I just feel really unhappy because I completely fail around people which angers me and makes me unhappy. Does anyone know what's wrong with me? I feel like an alien. I know it's hard to diagnose someone over the internet but I definitely won't be going to the doctors anytime soon because the thought of telling people freaks me out. Thanks so much for reading if you've got this far, I really do appreciate it.
What's wrong with me? Do I have social anxiety, asperges, or am I just eccentric?
- Thread starter Figure 8
- Start date
Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I'm quite familiar with just about everything to do with social anxiety, as I have it for sure. (I am 22 and have been shy all my life. I matched just about every social anxiety symptom by the time I was 16). Like you mentioned, I also sit quietly when my family members come to visit. (I would rather stay up in my room by myself, believe me. My heart rate goes insane and I just feel so centre-of-attention in every possible way). Social interaction drains me as well, except for the few people who I feel "safe" with. Sometimes after 5 minutes of speaking with someone who I am intimidated by, I feel like I need a week of recovery time - I swear!
Anyway, I know a little bit about Asperger's, two of my good friends have the syndrome. Its hard to "diagnose" these things without all the information possible, lol, and meeting you in person. If you take some symptom checkers online, see how many you can match. My best friend with Asperger's says she feels alienated from people too, though she does not have any of the nerves that I have around them (on the contrary she is very confident around other humans).
Its a complicated proccess to "overcome" social anxiety. Its not impossible, but I'm one of many who is "stuck" in her current situation. You can e-mail me if you have any questions, lol, although I am shy I do quite like to talk/type about mental health stuff.
Anyway, I know a little bit about Asperger's, two of my good friends have the syndrome. Its hard to "diagnose" these things without all the information possible, lol, and meeting you in person. If you take some symptom checkers online, see how many you can match. My best friend with Asperger's says she feels alienated from people too, though she does not have any of the nerves that I have around them (on the contrary she is very confident around other humans).
Its a complicated proccess to "overcome" social anxiety. Its not impossible, but I'm one of many who is "stuck" in her current situation. You can e-mail me if you have any questions, lol, although I am shy I do quite like to talk/type about mental health stuff.