What's a tactful way to tell someone who's not bad off, but whining & spoiled, that they

[joe friday's grrl]

...up? I've been a single mom of two for nine years, and that followed desertion by a husdband after the prolonged illness and death of our middle child. My oldest is autistic and suffered from ADD, depression & anxiety. He was suicidal as a child, and our life went from 'comfortable' to pretty crappy in an instant. I've been unable to keep a regular job due to my own disability or my children's problems, have had to move a lot, have had to drastically lower my standards and expectations, and have learned how to be resourceful, and to humble myself when necessary. I've broken down at times, both mentally and physically, but have rallied back fairly well. There have been points at which our income was only $500 a month. After nine years of this, I see light at the end of the tunnel. I recently met a woman, single two years, with two kids, and one's "a challenge." She is forever whining about her situation, even though she can afford private school for them, has a good job, and ex pays support.
This woman came from a great, stable, loving family, and up until this point things have gone just as she has felt they SHOULD go in life. But she keeps peeing and moaning to me about, "When will it be MY turn to have a life and what I want," just because her ex left her with the thwo kids (ages 4 & 7), and her difficulties in life consist of: trouble finding babysitters. THAT'S IT!! I would play my little violin for her, but I can't find it.
BTW, in spite of having a deadbeat dad, and our situation, my kids are doing great, have good attitudes, are honor roll students, and we are a pretty happy trio. My friend is miserable, and her home life is always chaos, yelling, and kids out of control and hitting both her and one another. I don't get it.
I neglected to make one important point: This woman CHOSE to ADOPT both of her children, at birth, because she wanted so desperately to be a mother. But now she sees them as a liabilities.

 

[gemini]

god bless you for all you have been through and I'm sorry about your child's death. I guess your husband just couldn't handle it!! You have strength and I would be proud to have a friend like you!!!!!! You didn't give up and your other two kids are doing great despite what has happened!! I would not keep that woman as a friend because she doesn't know how to be a mother and only cares about herself!!! When you have kids as you know it's not about you any more but you as a family. She is a very selfish woman and should look at what other people have been through because she has it good compared to other people out there!!! I am proud of you for persevering and making it through the bad times!!!! You held your chin up and kept going!!!! You sound like a great mom to your kids and keep up the good work. Forget about that whiner!!!!!!!!

 

[tjnstlouismo]

You cannot compare your life to anyone else's. Their perspective is always going to be based on their own experiences, which are different than yours. You sound bitter and like you believe you need a pat on the back for doing what you need to do. Maybe you do, but you are going to have to do it yourself. No one is going to thank you for doing what you had to as a mom, no matter how bad your life sucks. Life can be a big shock for someone shielded from it, and as bad as your life was/is, there is always someone who's struggle is far worse than yours.

The only thing we are promised in life is death. Everything else in between is on us. You either stand up or you fall down, and if in your opinion this woman doesn't have the right to fall down because your life was worse says that you didn't learn much of anything about yourself in the process. Its not a contest, be happy you are doing well, and tell her how you coped without one upping her.