What sort of leaves cover you? A poem? Critiques?

S

Semper Fi Rebirth

New member
Leaves
by Koye Lott

.... as if designed of paper
and set free in a fan
overlooking a valley
in the hills
of your wildest dreams...
they rock themselves to sleep
they rock themselves
they rock.....
... almost like paper
cradles
pushed by loving hands
in time to a lullaby
played on the stones
of a river bed
while the coolness of
life flows in between..
they land and float away
they land and float
they land
 
how about-

replacing fan with wind, it fits in with the hills and valley better

the switch from the natural scene to the rocking cradle lullaby scene and then back to the river scene doesn't work well for me, its like you have two poems here you are trying to stitch together

Good start on 2 poems though!
 
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