ModernDay Outcast.
New member
Ok, so my entire life, I've been made to feel like crap, I trained up, became the strongest kid in school, but the crap kept coming, I didn't want to be accepted, I just wanted to be left to do my own thing, I was not systemically called names, it was different people on different days, it mostly came from people eg adults I didn't know, it hurt more because I've never had any self-esteem, no confidence or trust in myself, so college time came!
I became depressed shortly after, I really struggled in college, smartest kid in my class, passing exams...but never there.
Through depression similar thing came through my head everyday, Suicide attempts were made, I was heavily inspired by Cho-Seung Hui or whatever the guys name was, to do what he did, I had everything ready, I had my speech prepared, I was good to go, but I backed out, the things of the past kept coming into my head, and I was reminded of them everyday..after all this time, so that didn't help the case...Then one day, I backed out of life...I dropped out of college, I said goodbye to the world, I just stayed home all day...next year, went to college..dropped out within days..things still the same..next year, went to college..dropped out, things still the same, I would say I have "Human-phobia", I hate everything and everyone, because in a way, they all caused me misery, they made me feel like this, they didn't even help me, It was not my fault, Now I think about it?
If I go out and do what I wanted to do that day, It would not help my case, I have a grudge against everyone, it has been many years since I have gone out my house, I feel panicked, I can't go through with it, but I don't want to sit here, day after day, year after year, and I'm reminiscent on all this bull, and make my anger and rage built up, I went out my home once, but I am made to feel like crap, so it motivated me to do nothing,I am like a Terminator now..all these years, all I have been doing is training, 10 hours a day, and sleeping, I hate to say it, a guy like me, but I am afraid of the world, I can't bring myself to do anything, I have wasted my youth, but I am only 18, I know I can change it, I will seek help in 5 months, what is this condition that I have?
I became depressed shortly after, I really struggled in college, smartest kid in my class, passing exams...but never there.
Through depression similar thing came through my head everyday, Suicide attempts were made, I was heavily inspired by Cho-Seung Hui or whatever the guys name was, to do what he did, I had everything ready, I had my speech prepared, I was good to go, but I backed out, the things of the past kept coming into my head, and I was reminded of them everyday..after all this time, so that didn't help the case...Then one day, I backed out of life...I dropped out of college, I said goodbye to the world, I just stayed home all day...next year, went to college..dropped out within days..things still the same..next year, went to college..dropped out, things still the same, I would say I have "Human-phobia", I hate everything and everyone, because in a way, they all caused me misery, they made me feel like this, they didn't even help me, It was not my fault, Now I think about it?
If I go out and do what I wanted to do that day, It would not help my case, I have a grudge against everyone, it has been many years since I have gone out my house, I feel panicked, I can't go through with it, but I don't want to sit here, day after day, year after year, and I'm reminiscent on all this bull, and make my anger and rage built up, I went out my home once, but I am made to feel like crap, so it motivated me to do nothing,I am like a Terminator now..all these years, all I have been doing is training, 10 hours a day, and sleeping, I hate to say it, a guy like me, but I am afraid of the world, I can't bring myself to do anything, I have wasted my youth, but I am only 18, I know I can change it, I will seek help in 5 months, what is this condition that I have?