What is your honest opinion of this poem, be brutal if you must lol?

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bob_the_monquirell

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your hypocritical ways are jaded
i wish not to swallow your word
so upon me you spit your hatred
to me your words are seldom heard

you force your thoughts on civilization
slithering sliver tongues of deceit
perceiving us as a criminal organization
while you lay in your golden conceit

where your mouth opens bats fly from
your scheming false worshiped deities
i take each hit knowing where it has come
each word a lashing to my body from these

you and your cult flock from town to city
setting up your houses of back biting
asking for donations begging for our pity
and chastising our wars we're fighting

yet you drive the cause home to heart
as your lips smile heavy with greed
without a care as we are ripped apart
for money, to our safety it does supercede

so i chose to ignore your temples built of pain
for when each of your disciples do speak (drop do)
it slowly turns my mind towards the insane
wishing to make each one of you reap

spilling our nations blood years over
the wrongs you cause and shove deep
and you drink your wine as we're sober
the drops that fall to the ground now seep

into the waterways of our poor countries mind
and now it is truly futile to try to resist you
no matter what, there will always be your kind
so there is nothing that i could ever hope to do
 
The message you're conveying is definitely strong and present but the form of the poem could be improved.
To begin with, many of the words you use sound forced and thus cheesy. Try to make the lines more natural and to achieve the rhyme, instead of always adapting the third line to the first, you could try to adapt the first to the third.
As well, if you look at the syllable count in your lines, they do not correspond. At least, lines A and C and B and D have do have the same number of syllables.
And lastly, there is punctuation missing in the middle of lines (I know this is the rough draft), that should indicate pauses because there are many places where a comma or ellipsis would do well.
 
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