What is your first impression of this poem? Answers, PLEASE?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Angell.
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Angell.

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I haven't written in a while, but this is one of my favorite pieces, I believe.
First impressions / thoughts / improvations?
And suggestions for a subsitute to the line "Just Friends"?
Thanks.
xx


Well, I haven't written in a while.
I get a lot of mixed opinions, some say my poetry is breath taking, and others say they hate it.
I'm open for suggestions.
Well here it is:

She put the bullets in his chest,
She put the fire in her words,
"Just friends." (Or should it say "No longer." Any suggestions of this line?)

Dear Juliet,
Alter the poison.
Dear Juliet,
Kill the noise and,
Carry him home.

He put the shadows on his walls,
He put his end to reality,
"Until the end."

Dear Romeo,
Don't die for her,
Dear Romeo,
Kiss her wrists,
And leave the world in dire,
tragedy.

You'll leave the world in dire,
tragedy.
"Dude I've read this poem before."

A.) Because I accidentley posted it like 2 times because I thought my internet wasn't working.

or

B.) Someone's stealing my pieces.

Thankyou to my answers, and I meant the line to be as she wants to end a relationship.
Okay, again, thank you for the answers.

The answer about "The world doesn't need another Romeo&Juliet."
I used them as a figure of speech, as this was based on something real.
And your poem, or words, actually did give me inspiration. Filling my poems with hope, when I'm down, I mean.

And AS FOR THE LINE WITH "Just Friends."

I think I've settled on, "No longer, my dear." So it shows she's ending, and dear shows they were close.
 
i think it should say "no longer"...putting bullets in his chest and when the line states she put the fire in her words...to me it sounds like she is finalizing or "ending" a situation....
 
"Just friends." (Or should it say "No longer." Any suggestions of this line?)one this line do you want to say just friends or lover no longer
If you say friends or lovers then the leaving of the world for loves sake is no longer a tragedy
If yu say "no longer" then friends just end a relationship.
Your poem is really good and made me ponder on what your thoughts may be.
Enjoyed it!
 
If I were to say how it made me feel,I'd say it was depressing(I like "no longer" better!)
Heres some lines you can jump on if you want!
Shakespeare is a hero,
he made his words into people.
Alas, not all his work is bleak.
Try to give a person words of beauty.
Not of sadness and death.(Something like that!)
Though when you feel at your lowest,
fill your poems with hope.
The world doesn't need another Romeo and Juliet.

Theres some inspiration for you! I really enjoyed your poem! You are very promising! IM me if you want to talk poems!
 
I think it ROCKS, the line I think sounds good with 'No longer', keep it up!! :)
 
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