1) This young boy walks in on his parents having sex and gets pissed. His father however just laughed at him, so the the boy walks down the hall into his grandma's room and starts having sex with her. His father walks in to check on him and sees what's going on, and yells, hey man WTF. Then the son says uh hun you see it's not so funny when it's your mama is it?
2) There was this sailor and this soldier that had both died in a war at the same time and they both arrived in Heaven at the same time. St. Peter came and gave both of them their wings, but he warned them that if at any given time they had any inappropriate or unclean thoughts, their wings would automatically fall off. Just as they had put their wings on, this beautiful angel shimmed passed them with a nice smile and smellying real flesh and clean, and the soldiers wings fell right off. Then when the soldier bent over to pick up his wings, the sailors wings fell off.
3) There was this stripper at this bar who was notorious for her split that she did at the end of each of her acts. One day she got ready to do her act, and right before she went on stage, a cat (guy) spilled a drink on stage and it didn't get mopped up too well. So this time when she got ready to do her split, she lost her balance and hit the floor so hard that it took two hours and forty five minutes to break the suction. You should have heard the round of applauses she got when she hit that floor (LOL).
4) There was this couple that had been married for ten years, and for their tenth year anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel they were in ten years ago for their honeymoon. They went back to the hotel and even got in the same hotel room they were in when they honeymooned.They drunk champaigne and everything was just perfect just as it was ten years ago when they got married. They where starring at each other from across the room in their robes, then they took the robes off. At a given signal they ran towards each other, but since they had been drinking all that champaigne they missed each other and the cat flew right out the window like two flights down. The bell man came rushing outside because he heard all this noise. The man says get me something to cover myself with i'm naked here I need to walk through the lobby so that I could get back up to my room. The bell man says you don't need nothing to cover yourself with, if you want to get back to your room, you can just walk on through the lobby because ain't nobody in the lobby. The mans says what you mean ain't nobody in the lobby, the bell man says ain't nobody in the lobby because everybody left to go upstairs to watch 'em take this chick off the door knob.
5) A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b---s who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b---s who are getting on, get your --ses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the --*ch in the kitchen
2) There was this sailor and this soldier that had both died in a war at the same time and they both arrived in Heaven at the same time. St. Peter came and gave both of them their wings, but he warned them that if at any given time they had any inappropriate or unclean thoughts, their wings would automatically fall off. Just as they had put their wings on, this beautiful angel shimmed passed them with a nice smile and smellying real flesh and clean, and the soldiers wings fell right off. Then when the soldier bent over to pick up his wings, the sailors wings fell off.
3) There was this stripper at this bar who was notorious for her split that she did at the end of each of her acts. One day she got ready to do her act, and right before she went on stage, a cat (guy) spilled a drink on stage and it didn't get mopped up too well. So this time when she got ready to do her split, she lost her balance and hit the floor so hard that it took two hours and forty five minutes to break the suction. You should have heard the round of applauses she got when she hit that floor (LOL).
4) There was this couple that had been married for ten years, and for their tenth year anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel they were in ten years ago for their honeymoon. They went back to the hotel and even got in the same hotel room they were in when they honeymooned.They drunk champaigne and everything was just perfect just as it was ten years ago when they got married. They where starring at each other from across the room in their robes, then they took the robes off. At a given signal they ran towards each other, but since they had been drinking all that champaigne they missed each other and the cat flew right out the window like two flights down. The bell man came rushing outside because he heard all this noise. The man says get me something to cover myself with i'm naked here I need to walk through the lobby so that I could get back up to my room. The bell man says you don't need nothing to cover yourself with, if you want to get back to your room, you can just walk on through the lobby because ain't nobody in the lobby. The mans says what you mean ain't nobody in the lobby, the bell man says ain't nobody in the lobby because everybody left to go upstairs to watch 'em take this chick off the door knob.
5) A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b---s who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b---s who are getting on, get your --ses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the --*ch in the kitchen
