P
:) Photo
Guest
what is your favourite or the funniest you one you know?
A man had 2 daughters and a son. one day the youngest daughter came to her father and asked, "Why is my name rose?"
The father answered, "because a rose dropped on your head when you were a baby"
then the eldest daughter came to him and asked, "why is my name petal?"
the father responded "because a petal dropped on your head when you were a baby"
finally the son came to him and said, "blahahamikgooglahopinddoodlewhiplplasletupaginpoadoopy"
the father then responded, "Shut up Cinderblock!"
The father answered, "because a rose dropped on your head when you were a baby"
then the eldest daughter came to him and asked, "why is my name petal?"
the father responded "because a petal dropped on your head when you were a baby"
finally the son came to him and said, "blahahamikgooglahopinddoodlewhiplplasletupaginpoadoopy"
the father then responded, "Shut up Cinderblock!"
Billy Bob Joe
New member
omg. there is soo many...
1st: A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it..
Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
2nd. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
i dont remember the third really funny one only the basics:
This dude, Blake, has a PISSY day...he got laid off from work. he was just so stressed out that he wanted to get home to his wife. on the way home somebody runs into his car. the other dude, still in his car, is cussing out saying stuff about all the damages and how its the other guys fault and so on while Blake is doing the exact same but a calmer way. then the dude who hit Blake comes out of his car to go yell at Blake in person. it just so happens that he is a midget. the dude forces Blake to roll down the window and he says "I am NOT happy!!" and Blake couldnt help but reply "Then which one are you?"
last one:
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, 'THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND', WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY
MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK: "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY
OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995 , IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ARMSTRONG WAS A NSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION.
THIS TIME ARMSTRONG FINALLY RESPONDED.
MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY:
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?!! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!!!"
(TRUE STORY)
1st: A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it..
Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
2nd. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
i dont remember the third really funny one only the basics:
This dude, Blake, has a PISSY day...he got laid off from work. he was just so stressed out that he wanted to get home to his wife. on the way home somebody runs into his car. the other dude, still in his car, is cussing out saying stuff about all the damages and how its the other guys fault and so on while Blake is doing the exact same but a calmer way. then the dude who hit Blake comes out of his car to go yell at Blake in person. it just so happens that he is a midget. the dude forces Blake to roll down the window and he says "I am NOT happy!!" and Blake couldnt help but reply "Then which one are you?"
last one:
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, 'THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND', WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY
MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK: "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY
OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995 , IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ARMSTRONG WAS A NSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION.
THIS TIME ARMSTRONG FINALLY RESPONDED.
MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY:
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?!! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!!!"
(TRUE STORY)
Danthesoccer
New member
I have two
Georg Bush: "Hi. My name is George W. Bush, and the W stands for honesty."
and
Little Susy was sitting in front of Little Johnny in sunday school. Susy didn't get very good sleep the night before, so she was falling asleep in sunday school. Johnny found a pencil and decided it would be fun to poke Susy at just the right time.
"Who created the world?" The teacher asked.
Johnny poked Susy in the butt with the pencil, and she shot up and cried "Oh, God!" And fell back to sleep.
"That's right, now, who died on the cross?" The teacher asked.
Johnny poked Susy again.
"Jesus Christ!!" she shouted, then fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their last child?"
Johnny poked Susy with the pencil again and she cried, "I SWEAR! If you poke me with that thing ONE MORE TIME, I will BREAK IT in HALF!!!!!!!"
Georg Bush: "Hi. My name is George W. Bush, and the W stands for honesty."
and
Little Susy was sitting in front of Little Johnny in sunday school. Susy didn't get very good sleep the night before, so she was falling asleep in sunday school. Johnny found a pencil and decided it would be fun to poke Susy at just the right time.
"Who created the world?" The teacher asked.
Johnny poked Susy in the butt with the pencil, and she shot up and cried "Oh, God!" And fell back to sleep.
"That's right, now, who died on the cross?" The teacher asked.
Johnny poked Susy again.
"Jesus Christ!!" she shouted, then fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their last child?"
Johnny poked Susy with the pencil again and she cried, "I SWEAR! If you poke me with that thing ONE MORE TIME, I will BREAK IT in HALF!!!!!!!"
I love lots of jokes, my favorites have stars!
DIRTY JOKES:
spell I hop then add ness to the end
a turtle with all four legs missing wants to cross the highway how is this possible? take the f out of the word way to find out.
two boys were late for school, when one walked in the teacher asked where he had been he replied on top of Strawberry hill. the other boy walked in and the teacher wanted to know where he had been he said he was behind Strawberry hill. then the new girl walked in and the teacher asked her name. she said 'my name is Strawberry Hill.
most little johnny jokes.
this man really liked the words as* and the word hole so he named his house as* and his cat hole. One day his cat went missing so he went to the police office and said "I've searched all over my as* but I can't find my hole" *
CLASSICS
'wanna hear a dirty joke?" a boy fell in the mud
wanna hear a clean joke? he took a bath with bubbles
wanna hear another dirty joke? the girl next door is named bubbles.
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who?
knock knock
WHO'S THERE
orange
orange who?
Orange-you glad I didn't say banana?
why does a golfer where two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one*
KNOCK KNOCK
knock knock
who's there
little old lady
little old lady who?
wow, I didn't know you could yodel!
knock knock
who's there?
boo
boo who?
Don't cry little baby, its only me!
knock knock
who's there
Noah
Noah who?
Noah yes- which is it?
knock knock
who's there?
rita
rita who?
rita good book, you might learn something!
*
BLONDE (sorry if you are)
a blonde was tired of being treated like she was dumb so she died her hair and moved to the country where no one would know who she was. while she was driving she noticed a Shepard and his sheep. she stopped the car and asked the man that if she could guess how many sheep he had would he give her one? He said okay thinking there was no way she could guess. The blonde searched around and then said 346. The farmer couldn't believe it, she was right! He told her that she could have a sheep. She looked then picked the one she wanted and hugged it. The man then asked her if he could guess her true hair color he could get his sheep back. She said it was okay. He replied 'Your a blonde, now give me back my dog!'
A blonde wanted to impress her husband so she decided to paint a room in the house. she followed the instructions and lied down the drop clothes. Then read the paint can. When the husband returned he could smell the fresh smell of paint, but when he went in the room it wasn't painted and his wife was on the floor with two giant sweaters on. He asked what had happened and she said that the instructions said 'for best results put on two coats'
a blondes mother looked at her frustrated daughter and asked what was wrong she replied
"my eyes hurt"
her mother asked why
she replied " I was trying to watch my self blink!"
YO MOMMA
your momma's so fat when she see's a school bus she yells 'follow that twinky!'
yo momma's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
yo momma's so poor when she's kicking a can, she's moving her house!
REDNECK JOKES (don't be offended either, I'm a redneck!)
you might be a redneck if
You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."
* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
* You hunt from your bedroom window.
* Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
* You refrigerate your food stamps.
* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
* You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.
* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.
* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
* You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!
* The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"
* You take a beer to a job interview.
* You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
* When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
GET R DONE!!
There are more, these are just cool ones
DIRTY JOKES:
spell I hop then add ness to the end
a turtle with all four legs missing wants to cross the highway how is this possible? take the f out of the word way to find out.
two boys were late for school, when one walked in the teacher asked where he had been he replied on top of Strawberry hill. the other boy walked in and the teacher wanted to know where he had been he said he was behind Strawberry hill. then the new girl walked in and the teacher asked her name. she said 'my name is Strawberry Hill.
most little johnny jokes.
this man really liked the words as* and the word hole so he named his house as* and his cat hole. One day his cat went missing so he went to the police office and said "I've searched all over my as* but I can't find my hole" *
CLASSICS
'wanna hear a dirty joke?" a boy fell in the mud
wanna hear a clean joke? he took a bath with bubbles
wanna hear another dirty joke? the girl next door is named bubbles.
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who?
knock knock
WHO'S THERE
orange
orange who?
Orange-you glad I didn't say banana?
why does a golfer where two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one*
KNOCK KNOCK
knock knock
who's there
little old lady
little old lady who?
wow, I didn't know you could yodel!
knock knock
who's there?
boo
boo who?
Don't cry little baby, its only me!
knock knock
who's there
Noah
Noah who?
Noah yes- which is it?
knock knock
who's there?
rita
rita who?
rita good book, you might learn something!
*BLONDE (sorry if you are)
a blonde was tired of being treated like she was dumb so she died her hair and moved to the country where no one would know who she was. while she was driving she noticed a Shepard and his sheep. she stopped the car and asked the man that if she could guess how many sheep he had would he give her one? He said okay thinking there was no way she could guess. The blonde searched around and then said 346. The farmer couldn't believe it, she was right! He told her that she could have a sheep. She looked then picked the one she wanted and hugged it. The man then asked her if he could guess her true hair color he could get his sheep back. She said it was okay. He replied 'Your a blonde, now give me back my dog!'
A blonde wanted to impress her husband so she decided to paint a room in the house. she followed the instructions and lied down the drop clothes. Then read the paint can. When the husband returned he could smell the fresh smell of paint, but when he went in the room it wasn't painted and his wife was on the floor with two giant sweaters on. He asked what had happened and she said that the instructions said 'for best results put on two coats'
a blondes mother looked at her frustrated daughter and asked what was wrong she replied
"my eyes hurt"
her mother asked why
she replied " I was trying to watch my self blink!"
YO MOMMA
your momma's so fat when she see's a school bus she yells 'follow that twinky!'
yo momma's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
yo momma's so poor when she's kicking a can, she's moving her house!
REDNECK JOKES (don't be offended either, I'm a redneck!)
you might be a redneck if
You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."
* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
* You hunt from your bedroom window.
* Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
* You refrigerate your food stamps.
* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
* You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.
* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.
* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
* You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!
* The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"
* You take a beer to a job interview.
* You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
* When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
GET R DONE!!
There are more, these are just cool ones
T
tri question
Guest
why did the chicken cross the road?
GIVE UP?
HOW BOUT NOW?
NOW?
TRUST ME ITS NOT THE ANSWER U EXPECT!
GIVE UP YEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
WELL DO YA?
TYPE YES OR NO
HI!
FINE ILL TELL YA!
IN MULTIPLE CHOICE!
A) TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE
B) BECAUSE ADAM LAMBERT WAS OVER THERE.
C) HE WANTED PEOPLE FOOD
D) BECAUSE HE WANTED TO USE YAHOO ANSWERS TO ANSWER THE QUESTION:
why did the chicken cross the road?
THE ANSWER IS::::::
GOOD BYE!
JK
DID U VOTE FOR D?
OR MAYBE C?????
WHAT ABOUT B?
NOPE!
ITS THE OTHER ONE!
O YEA! ITS
AY
OOPS I MEANT A
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!
GIVE UP?
HOW BOUT NOW?
NOW?
TRUST ME ITS NOT THE ANSWER U EXPECT!
GIVE UP YEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
WELL DO YA?
TYPE YES OR NO
HI!
FINE ILL TELL YA!
IN MULTIPLE CHOICE!
A) TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE
B) BECAUSE ADAM LAMBERT WAS OVER THERE.
C) HE WANTED PEOPLE FOOD
D) BECAUSE HE WANTED TO USE YAHOO ANSWERS TO ANSWER THE QUESTION:
why did the chicken cross the road?
THE ANSWER IS::::::
GOOD BYE!
JK
DID U VOTE FOR D?
OR MAYBE C?????
WHAT ABOUT B?
NOPE!
ITS THE OTHER ONE!
O YEA! ITS
AY
OOPS I MEANT A
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!