What is the funniest joke/riddle you have ever heard?
- Thread starter ♥ karin ♥
- Start date
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.â€
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.â€
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…â€
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a “robot†voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grubâ€.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog.†15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.â€
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.â€
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.â€
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspaceâ€.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.â€
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:†them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.â€
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.â€
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally†flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.â€
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking†noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies†over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!â€
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE†in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?†“What?†“Never mind, its gone now.â€
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.â€
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells†until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.â€
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.â€
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.â€
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…â€
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a “robot†voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grubâ€.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog.†15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.â€
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.â€
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.â€
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspaceâ€.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.â€
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:†them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.â€
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.â€
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally†flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.â€
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking†noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies†over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!â€
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE†in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?†“What?†“Never mind, its gone now.â€
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.â€
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells†until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.â€
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling
What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Why don't teddy bears ever eat?
They're always stuffed
Why do blondes smile everytime theres lightning?
They think they're getting their picture taken
How do you make a blonde laugh on saturday?
Tell her a joke on wednesday
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't wanna wake the sleeping pills
What did one tomatoe say to the other tomatoe?
You run on ahead and ill ketchup
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little crumby
Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pennsylvania
What do crayons go on vacation?
Colorado
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in humans
Why did the man run around his bed?
He wanted to catch up on his sleep
These are some I could think of on the spot. If you wanna watch some HILARIOUS videos, go to youtube and type in Bon Qui Qui at King Burger. You will fall out of your seat laughing. Type in Anjelah Johnson and I think its the second video that comes up. Its the one where she has on a blue and white striped shirt. Also, most of the miss swan videos are funny too. The funniest ones for me are miss swan the the atm and miss swan on the airplane.
HOPE I HELPED!!
BEST ANSWER PLEASE!!!
Juan on Juan
Why don't teddy bears ever eat?
They're always stuffed
Why do blondes smile everytime theres lightning?
They think they're getting their picture taken
How do you make a blonde laugh on saturday?
Tell her a joke on wednesday
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't wanna wake the sleeping pills
What did one tomatoe say to the other tomatoe?
You run on ahead and ill ketchup
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little crumby
Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pennsylvania
What do crayons go on vacation?
Colorado
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in humans
Why did the man run around his bed?
He wanted to catch up on his sleep
These are some I could think of on the spot. If you wanna watch some HILARIOUS videos, go to youtube and type in Bon Qui Qui at King Burger. You will fall out of your seat laughing. Type in Anjelah Johnson and I think its the second video that comes up. Its the one where she has on a blue and white striped shirt. Also, most of the miss swan videos are funny too. The funniest ones for me are miss swan the the atm and miss swan on the airplane.
HOPE I HELPED!!
BEST ANSWER PLEASE!!!
Rasberry A
New member
The song The devil went down to Georgia. well... he didn't exactly go down to Georgia, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked him in the face and he ended up there.