this is the first poem I've ever written and I really wanted feedback, both positive and negative so please be honest:
Mistaken Beauty
His hands shivered as he held his freedom
Ahead lied total salvation, or eternal damnation
There was no longer a home, an age, anything
Just a powerful escape.
Your worst fears were realized in his determination
You were dethroned as the ultimate decider
All preconceived notions dropped at an ill-timed instant
You lost him.
He found the one alternative through pure luck
No destiny, no fate chose his lost soul
His altered perception saw the shadow maker
He found the truth.
You would call him deluded, you would call him weak
You would take his freedom and bury it
Still trapped in the lie which you cherish
You would not know.
He can feel the sensation of beloved brisk
Soothing his senses, he feels unchangeably at peace
Free from the limits of day he prepares himself
The ultimate sacrifice.
Mistaken Beauty
His hands shivered as he held his freedom
Ahead lied total salvation, or eternal damnation
There was no longer a home, an age, anything
Just a powerful escape.
Your worst fears were realized in his determination
You were dethroned as the ultimate decider
All preconceived notions dropped at an ill-timed instant
You lost him.
He found the one alternative through pure luck
No destiny, no fate chose his lost soul
His altered perception saw the shadow maker
He found the truth.
You would call him deluded, you would call him weak
You would take his freedom and bury it
Still trapped in the lie which you cherish
You would not know.
He can feel the sensation of beloved brisk
Soothing his senses, he feels unchangeably at peace
Free from the limits of day he prepares himself
The ultimate sacrifice.