what do you think of this poem?

C

country1

New member
BECAUSE OF YOU...

BECAUSE OF YOU... I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN...
I FEEL AS THOUGH, I'M ALL ALONE ON A CROWDED AIRPLANE

BECAUSE OF YOU... I HAVE SO MUCH SORROW...
I FEEL AS THOUGH, MY HEART AND SOUL ARE NOW HOLLOW

BECAUSE OF YOU... I AM NOW SO WEAK...
I FEEL AS THOUGH, YOU SHOULD PROCEED, AND JUST LET ME BE ME
 
Try not to make it so generically "rhyme-y". The line about the airplane is a bit... it just seems like you used the first word you thought of that rhymed with pain. The last line is good, but try making the rest more your own. Good luck!
 
Rhyme isn't always needed. And poem is a way to express ones self with unseen meansings aswell as blunt ones. It is obvious that you feel (Or are portraying the feeling) upset by someone.

Sorry, but in truth, it sounds like something a depressed steriotypical cheerleader would write when wanting to sound 'deep'.
 
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