This is the first poem I've ever written. As a matter of fact, I started writing it about, oh, maybe 7 minutes ago. I was just wondering what anyone thought of it, in particular if I used too many commas, broke the sentences at the wrong place, or if it is a bad idea to start rhyming in the middle of a prose poem.
Misplaced wills
The eyes of the wall,
which were to allow him to be
shaped,
molded,
and formed to be at once
none of these things,
and all of them,
because that is what
this place wills.
The ears of the door,
listening always,
seeing with
the eyes
never sleeping,
always keeping,
to their own
in this place
where none is safe.
The mouth of the roof,
to proclaim it to all,
to see he will fall,
he with broken wings,
to know and to call,
to let be known these things,
outside this place,
because it always must grow.
He cannot fight, because he doesn't want to..
He cannot see, because they don't want him to..
This place were things are broken,
left to darkness,
not to awake,
again.
Misplaced wills
The eyes of the wall,
which were to allow him to be
shaped,
molded,
and formed to be at once
none of these things,
and all of them,
because that is what
this place wills.
The ears of the door,
listening always,
seeing with
the eyes
never sleeping,
always keeping,
to their own
in this place
where none is safe.
The mouth of the roof,
to proclaim it to all,
to see he will fall,
he with broken wings,
to know and to call,
to let be known these things,
outside this place,
because it always must grow.
He cannot fight, because he doesn't want to..
He cannot see, because they don't want him to..
This place were things are broken,
left to darkness,
not to awake,
again.