What do you think of this poem I wrote?

C

Clock Cleaner

New member
Every day in Chicago most of the youth are found dead.

I opened up the book to read what the God said.

Then open up the news paper, usually shocked by what I read.

21 year old man found with Bullets in the head.

Drug deal gone bad.

I guess its not my concern.

I'll just make a duaa.

And be careful in ways that I earn.

Displaced peoples homes.

Taliban in Pakistan.

A, man those people seem chill.

See there's no crime in Japan.

California is a place filled with many Roxannes.

I'm tired... time for a nap....

I hope you guys will understand.

The End.
 
"I'm tired...time for a nap....
I hope you guts will understand."

We, In the shadow of the leaves understand your plight.
Hickory Dickory Dock
The squirrel was cleaning the clock
The clock struck one
And the squirrel was done
Hickory Dickory Dock
Tick...........Tock
Tick...........Tock
Time for a nap..............Not The End
Hickory will soon be back in the Poe a tree.
In the shadow of the leaves
 
I find it very interesting and it doesn't shock me a bit because that is going around the world. (the 21 year's old dying).
 
It's good (better than I could do!) but your rhyming pattern is a bit off. First you have all the lines rhyming, and then you go into an a b a b pattern. If you fix this it will be really good!!
 
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