what do you think of this extract - my main character and her angel arguing?

Secret Passion

New member
“Tai what’s going on?”
“I never said I was happy with you and Fynn being together.”
“So it comes back to this? Just like every other time!”
“No its not…its not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing!”
“Tai I don’t believe you.”
“I've just got a lot on my mind lately that’s all.”
“And that’s the reason you go off like you did when you found me and Fynn together.”
“Well it was a bit of a shock Niamh!” he cried standing up, “how do you expect me to react really!”
“Well not like this.” She sat back on the bed facing him.
“Ugh Niamh I can’t take this anymore, you and him, it’s not right! Niamh you won’t listen to me so why should I even try!”
“We only slept together its not like we’re getting married or anything.”
“Yeah and you don’t think that hasn’t crossed his mind!”
“Tai come on, be realistic, I've only known him for about three months.”
“Three months is plenty of time Niamh.”
“Tai get a grip!”
“No Niamh, I'm fed up of all this arguing, its all we ever seem to do since we came here and you know it!”
“We haven’t argued that much,” she protested.
“For two people who have barely argued in their entire lives to two people who argue almost constantly I would say that we argue a lot.”
“Well what do you want me to do really. Break up with him! Because Tai, it’s not going to happen!”
“Niamh please don’t be stupid, I have bigger things to think about at the moment!”
“Like what!”
“LIKE THE FACT THAT YOUR BROTHER IS TAKING OVER THE ENTIRE LIGHT ANGEL COMMUNITY!” he shouted. Niamh stopped in her tracks. She must have heard him wrong.

“My brother?” she said.
“Yes.”
“I don’t have a brother.”
“Yes you do, your twin brother.” She gazed at him nonplussed.
“I don’t have a twin brother, Tai I think I would know if I had a twin brother!” he voice was become hysterical. Was he kidding her? Did he think she was stupid? Tai picked up the paper and threw it across the room towards her. She looked at the front cover. It was the new ruler, Cristian it said his name was.
“Why do you think he looks so much like you! Why do you think you dream about him all of the time!” Niamh studied the photo. Tai was right. There was no other explanation.
“I…but…how?”
“He was born with a dark Angel…Noir…he had to be sent away.”
“And you knew about this?”
“Yes.”
“Since I was born?”
“Yes.”
“THEN WHY HAVE I NEVER KNOW ABOUT IT!” she screamed throwing the paper back at him.
“Niamh please…”
“I HAVE A TWIN BROTHER AND WAS NEVER TOLD!”
“Your parents made me swear that I wouldn’t tell you, they didn’t think you would ever need to know.”
“Need to know…NEED TO KNOW, OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW, HE’S MY BROTHER!” she ran up to her Angel and drummed her fists into his chest. She knew its wouldn’t hurt him, but she felt better for it. Large sobs racked her body.
“Niamh I'm sorry.”
“How could you do this! How could you keep this from me?” she wailed.
“I…don’t know.” He held her wrists and pulled her close to him, letting her cry into his chest.”
“Why did you keep it from me?” she repeated the line over and over until the sobs had calmed and she had stopped shaking. She stood up and wiped her tears.
“Niamh I'm sorry…”
“Tai I don’t care, you are always sorry…this…this is bigger than that now.” Her shaking voice suddenly became clearer and more pronounced. “I have to go and find him.” Tai sighed. He had known she would act like that!

Told you, he projected to Raynar and Seth, I told you she would say that.
Well you will just have to persuade her otherwise then wont you Raynar insisted.
Yeah, have you met Niamh? He mumbled sarcastically, she’s too stubborn I will never get the notion from her head.
You have to try Seth interjected. Tai felt them retract once more and turned to Niamh.

“You can’t go and find him,” he told her.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because he has a dark Angel…he will kill you on sight. Plus you will be putting everyone here in danger if you leave.”
“Tai I know what your trying to do,” she said, “but please don’t I am going to go and find him and you cant stop me!”

--------------

helpful critism helpful
but please dont slate me
the bits that sound like speech but arnt in speechmarks are meant to be italics but they dont show up on here
they are said in the mind

xxx
 
Back
Top