M
Michael H in New Orleans
Guest
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did
you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden
name?"
---------------------------------------------
A little boy went up
to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come
from?"
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
'cause I still have
mine"
---------------------------------------------------------
A doctor
examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,
"I don't like the looks
of your wife at all,"
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But she's a great
cook and really good with the
kids."
---------------------------------------------------------
An old
man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living
with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell
me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says
without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
wife."
-------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It 's So Hard
To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no
dental records.
---------------------------------------------
A blonde
calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from
San Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a
minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs
up.
-------------------- ------------------------------------
Two Mexican
detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he
killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective
replied
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made
a hole in
Juan."
---------------------------------------------------------
This guy
has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest
pants
he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he
walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks
him over and replies,
"Well, you could start by buying me a
drink."
---------------------------------------------------------
Moe: "My
wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I
married her I didn't believe in
hell."
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is
recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but
I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he
answered.
"What did he say," asked the
nurse.
"OOPS!"
--------------------------------------------------------
While
shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing
suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even
considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you
think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a
bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one."
---------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa
was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by
mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did
that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How
did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole"
afterwards.
values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did
you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden
name?"
---------------------------------------------
A little boy went up
to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come
from?"
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
'cause I still have
mine"
---------------------------------------------------------
A doctor
examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,
"I don't like the looks
of your wife at all,"
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But she's a great
cook and really good with the
kids."
---------------------------------------------------------
An old
man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living
with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell
me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says
without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
wife."
-------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It 's So Hard
To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no
dental records.
---------------------------------------------
A blonde
calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from
San Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a
minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs
up.
-------------------- ------------------------------------
Two Mexican
detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he
killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective
replied
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made
a hole in
Juan."
---------------------------------------------------------
This guy
has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest
pants
he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he
walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks
him over and replies,
"Well, you could start by buying me a
drink."
---------------------------------------------------------
Moe: "My
wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I
married her I didn't believe in
hell."
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is
recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but
I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he
answered.
"What did he say," asked the
nurse.
"OOPS!"
--------------------------------------------------------
While
shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing
suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even
considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you
think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a
bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in
one."
---------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa
was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by
mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did
that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How
did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole"
afterwards.