hello
i'm 14 and i have never tried written a book before and am just starting off. So please don't be too harsh but please give your opinions and how can i improve?
this obviously isn't the end of my book if anything it is just the first two pages not even a chapter.
thanks
Chapter 1
It’s funny how a mirror reflects you, isn’t it. It doesn’t show the real you, it shows you the you that you want everyone else to see, an act. But sometimes you need that act. The cover. Otherwise how would I hide my secret?
You see, I’m a Shifter. I shift into a werewolf. I’m Faith Marie Lupa, My family was chosen to be wolves, it goes back to hundreds of years ago, when your great, great, great, great, great Granddad or Grandma hits puberty (I know, ewww grandma getting boobs) they start to feel that they don’t belong with all their friends, could be people they have known since they were little tots running around. They have an urge to be outside, and usually on your 16th birthday when you are sitting outside an wolf will come up to you. Well, when you see them you are able to hear their thoughts, they tell you to imagine yourself as a wolf, then you start to tingle all over, when you open your eyes everything looks different, as a wolf everything is black and white and you look down and see these huge paws where your hands were, and you have this thick furry pelt. My dad, Lovell which means wolf, is huge in human form, 6ft 6, broad shouldered and had strong features, he has warm brown eyes, nice eyes, he has soft wavy hair, light brown, when he is in his brother wolf form he is huge, he is the alpha, his fur is weird, his hair is brown in human form but in his wolf form it is grey, with a flush of white from his neck to the base of his tail. My mum, Talia, is quite different, she is 5ft and had a petit face and bone structure, she had blue eyes, very dark brown hair, basically black, and it’s cut into a short pixie cut, when she is wolf form she has the same colour fur as her hair, she is a stunning wolf as stunning as she is in her other form, sleek but not bony.
I’m a little ‘cutie’ apparently; in human form I have long light blond hair, so light that it looks white. It’s down to my belly button; I have a petit face, like my Mum. I have a stormy blue eye and a warm brown eye; I have one of my mum’s eyes and one of my dad’s. When I’m a wolf I am as blond as I am in my human form with a brown flick on my muzzle with a black tail as well, I am small when I’m a wolf, as small as I am when I’m a human, I am only 4ft 6, nearly all the girls in my year (I’m 14, so I’m in year 10) are nearly a foot taller than me. Did you know that when a werewolf, in its wolf form, stands up it measures up to the height it is in human form, I’m the smallest in my family. I can’t pass as a real wolf so I have to be especially careful when i hunt, my mum and dad can pass as wolves but me, I have to hunt in the shadows. Still, I’m a better hunter then both of them, I can tread quieter and I am more patient. I have a better ear than them, I can hear where the prey is but not just that I can tell what it is. I can smell the prey from 200 meters off, believe me that’s impressive. I’m one of a kind, supposedly.
i was hunting and thinking about my first ever change, remembering that not only can i not be a normal teen but i can even be a normal were-wolf.
I hit my ‘were’ stage faster than any other were we have met. Most turn for their first time when they turn 16, But I turned for the first time on my 14th birthday. Imagine my surprise when I went to get into bed and looked out my window, wishing that I could go and run in to the woods at the end of my garden, when I started to tingle, looking down, seeing hair pop out of my skin and start making its way up my body. Hearing a scream and then my parents rushed in. They looked so surprised that it would have made me laugh, if I had been able to. I was fully wolf at that stage and I could see my parent’s lips moving but couldn’t hear a thing over the growls ripping out of my chest. My dad ran out of the room, all I could think was “great my dad’s gone to call, animal control, he probably thinks that a wolf has eaten his daughter!” my growls died down to whimpers to the thought that I would never turn back to normal, I would be stuck as this beast forever. I feel my mum’s arms around me and started think “wait, if she thought I was a savage wolf who just killed her daughter, would she hug me?” so I realised that she knew that this was going to happen. So many thoughts started running through my brain that when another voice joined in I didn’t even notice, then this voice booms so loudly that it’s like a mental slap. I stopped withering in self pity and looked up. There sitting in front of me was a huge storm cloud grey wolf, a rusty copper coloured wolf and a black wolf sitting in front of me, the grey wolf in front and the others sitting to his left and right in a v-shape. I later
i'm 14 and i have never tried written a book before and am just starting off. So please don't be too harsh but please give your opinions and how can i improve?
this obviously isn't the end of my book if anything it is just the first two pages not even a chapter.
thanks
Chapter 1
It’s funny how a mirror reflects you, isn’t it. It doesn’t show the real you, it shows you the you that you want everyone else to see, an act. But sometimes you need that act. The cover. Otherwise how would I hide my secret?
You see, I’m a Shifter. I shift into a werewolf. I’m Faith Marie Lupa, My family was chosen to be wolves, it goes back to hundreds of years ago, when your great, great, great, great, great Granddad or Grandma hits puberty (I know, ewww grandma getting boobs) they start to feel that they don’t belong with all their friends, could be people they have known since they were little tots running around. They have an urge to be outside, and usually on your 16th birthday when you are sitting outside an wolf will come up to you. Well, when you see them you are able to hear their thoughts, they tell you to imagine yourself as a wolf, then you start to tingle all over, when you open your eyes everything looks different, as a wolf everything is black and white and you look down and see these huge paws where your hands were, and you have this thick furry pelt. My dad, Lovell which means wolf, is huge in human form, 6ft 6, broad shouldered and had strong features, he has warm brown eyes, nice eyes, he has soft wavy hair, light brown, when he is in his brother wolf form he is huge, he is the alpha, his fur is weird, his hair is brown in human form but in his wolf form it is grey, with a flush of white from his neck to the base of his tail. My mum, Talia, is quite different, she is 5ft and had a petit face and bone structure, she had blue eyes, very dark brown hair, basically black, and it’s cut into a short pixie cut, when she is wolf form she has the same colour fur as her hair, she is a stunning wolf as stunning as she is in her other form, sleek but not bony.
I’m a little ‘cutie’ apparently; in human form I have long light blond hair, so light that it looks white. It’s down to my belly button; I have a petit face, like my Mum. I have a stormy blue eye and a warm brown eye; I have one of my mum’s eyes and one of my dad’s. When I’m a wolf I am as blond as I am in my human form with a brown flick on my muzzle with a black tail as well, I am small when I’m a wolf, as small as I am when I’m a human, I am only 4ft 6, nearly all the girls in my year (I’m 14, so I’m in year 10) are nearly a foot taller than me. Did you know that when a werewolf, in its wolf form, stands up it measures up to the height it is in human form, I’m the smallest in my family. I can’t pass as a real wolf so I have to be especially careful when i hunt, my mum and dad can pass as wolves but me, I have to hunt in the shadows. Still, I’m a better hunter then both of them, I can tread quieter and I am more patient. I have a better ear than them, I can hear where the prey is but not just that I can tell what it is. I can smell the prey from 200 meters off, believe me that’s impressive. I’m one of a kind, supposedly.
i was hunting and thinking about my first ever change, remembering that not only can i not be a normal teen but i can even be a normal were-wolf.
I hit my ‘were’ stage faster than any other were we have met. Most turn for their first time when they turn 16, But I turned for the first time on my 14th birthday. Imagine my surprise when I went to get into bed and looked out my window, wishing that I could go and run in to the woods at the end of my garden, when I started to tingle, looking down, seeing hair pop out of my skin and start making its way up my body. Hearing a scream and then my parents rushed in. They looked so surprised that it would have made me laugh, if I had been able to. I was fully wolf at that stage and I could see my parent’s lips moving but couldn’t hear a thing over the growls ripping out of my chest. My dad ran out of the room, all I could think was “great my dad’s gone to call, animal control, he probably thinks that a wolf has eaten his daughter!” my growls died down to whimpers to the thought that I would never turn back to normal, I would be stuck as this beast forever. I feel my mum’s arms around me and started think “wait, if she thought I was a savage wolf who just killed her daughter, would she hug me?” so I realised that she knew that this was going to happen. So many thoughts started running through my brain that when another voice joined in I didn’t even notice, then this voice booms so loudly that it’s like a mental slap. I stopped withering in self pity and looked up. There sitting in front of me was a huge storm cloud grey wolf, a rusty copper coloured wolf and a black wolf sitting in front of me, the grey wolf in front and the others sitting to his left and right in a v-shape. I later
