what do you think of my teaser to my book?

N

Nikki

New member
i'm trying to write a book here is the teaser...
Teaser

After a near fatal accident, Hailey Glenmore is forced to live with her uncle in Manhattan, New York. However during the accident, Hailey’s mother had suddenly disappeared. Everyone tells her that her mother died a year ago, but Hailey is sure of what happened. Then Hailey meets Cam. Cam is mysterious and is protective of Hailey from the moment they meet. Hailey begins to feel that there is something that she is not being told. Suddenly through a whirlwind of events, Hailey is told that she was adopted. Not only that, she is also told that her mom and uncle are vampires. Hailey’s perspective of who she is now has changed and questions begin to plague her. What happened to Hailey’s real parents? And what happened to the person, or rather vampire, she called “Mom”? Who can she believe now? And another thing who exactly is Cam?


PS if you would like to read the prologue then please post your email
 
No, I don't really like it.

It's not just because it envolves vampires, which is terribly over worked, but I think it's because you haven't thought about what parts of the storyline you are trying to sell. It's all a bit heaped up. And I am just guessing here, but by chance does she discover that she is a vampire? And she falls in love with Cam?

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I think its more useful than people sucking up for best answer :P Either way, it's good you have an interest in writing, so best of luck, and I hope it all works out =)
 
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