what do you think of my story and be nice please as everyones an author as of late in...

ghostlyboy

New member
...critiquing our works? i was met up with the pale rider on that horse which was called death.i saw him before but he didnt need me then.but now im thrusted into the belief that hes come back for me again. i eluded him twice before but now i can no longer run.his eyes and mine both met.we both stared in to into each others eyes.the seconds seemed like hours and finally i asked him why he came today. he grinned and said im asking you to come to the saloon with me as he started riding off.i went with him but hesitantly as if to wonder what it was he was needing to show me. he took me up on his horse as the evening gathered and in his twinkling eye announced he was not taking from me but giving me something.we walked to the oasis called the 2 shot tavern and sat down.he got me a beer but i wouldnt drink it. i was too nervous about what lied ahead.was it a peril i didnt want to meet or was it some other odd event.either way he was making me feel at home and this wasnt the case last time i felt dread and fear. nope,this time was different though.so i walked away from my stool and headed onto the trail he showed me as it seemed to glow.it had the makings of a road back in the day.. well i rode with him as his dirty blonde hair swayed back and forth in the cool summer breeze.i felt a strangers gentle touch on my shoulder as we stopped.it was my father who had a smile on his face. hi son youre home he said.i told him i was just visiting but he wouldnt allow me to leave.we embarked on all of the things we did when he was alive like eat hot dogs,drink beer,soda,eat cotton candy,smoke cigarettes and shoot pool. he told me to go and look under my pillow and i didnt understand why.just then he hugged me goodbye and the horseman took me back on his horse.smiling he said ok,thats your dad and he has sent me to you. i came here for a much different reason this time around.at that precise moment of elation in seeing my beloved dad i wasnt sure if it was real.the alarm rang on my clock and i now realized i had dreampt this wonderfully vivid reunion as if id been in a time machine. my only thought now was hes with me in spirit and what about the pillow?,what did he mean by that?i raised it up and there glimmering in the light was the gold wedding ring he wore but was missing for a year. he died and it was put in a jewelry box and put aside.while looking for the ring 1 day i couldnt find it.it simply vanished.so he must have came looking for it as a reminder of what once was and what still is.but its only a physical object desired in the spirit world.it was borrowed when it shouldve been kept.i dont know who needed it more,us or him! i told my mom this and she knew hed paid a visit.the next step is for her to experience the mystery that was his life.i think so dutifully it will be her turn next.i can only envision that occurrence and ill not dread at the thought of the next chapter with the ghostly rider.
 
These are basically reading your notes or first draft scribbled on paper. I won't read it. If you want others to do you a favor, at least clean it up, use proper punction, and be easy on all of our eyes by using paragraphs.

This is like me asking you to help me move, then you get to my house and I just sit back in a chair and expect you to load everything into a truck for me.
 
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