What do you think of my small poem?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ☪ Jamilla
  • Start date Start date
☪

☪ Jamilla

Guest
Pesky eyes looking wild at me;
Lustful. Strawberry. Roses
The scent of berries through...
through small shielded windows
It’s our job, to look down at
the dusty dirty floors and
rubbish.. scattered along the
sandy streets. Amira, Mirza,
Ezra, Theo, Rubina children
everywhere, playing like the
Birds fluttering and skipping.
And I look up again to see him
grinning at me

What do you think and how do you think I can improve it?
The persona is a woman, who has to lower her gaze when walking in front of men on the streets....do you get it now?
 
I think it might make more sense if we knew who you are talking about, is it an animal, a man or what ?

Wary eyes watching me
Through tangles of roses, strawberries and tiny leaded windows


I'm sorry I don't get the rest, is it your job to clean the dirty floors and dusty paths ?
 
Back
Top