What do you think of my prolouge for my book?

Katie

New member
i'm working on a book and I've finished the prolouge and a few more pages:

Chris
November 24, 2007

Those beautiful ocean blue eyes. They never failed to make my heart skip a beat. With her right hand in mine, I reached over to grab her left hand and put it on my heart.
As her face turned bright red, I laughed. “Again,” I said as she laughed with me too.
“Wait up love bugs,” Leah, Erin’s best friend said.
I looked behind to see her running toward us.
When Leah finally caught up with us, she grinned at Erin and said, “He never fails to make you blush,”.
I laughed knowing she was right. “You end your horse-back riding lesson early?”
“Yeah, well I started early because Stacey’s other student canceled on her.”
At the thought of horseback riding, I tried to remember when Erin’s next lesson was, but failed. Eventually I asked, “Oh Erin, when’s your next lesson?”
“Tomorrow at four,” Erin blushed again at the thought of me coming to see her horse.
“Can I come?” I said happy that I didn’t have football practice until six tomorrow.
“Sure,” she said as she squeezed my hand and gasped as she turned around. A kid about our age was running after us.
“No!” she yelled when he got closer to us.
I followed his eyes which lead toward my pockets. The two pockets with Cell Phone and wallet.
“Give me all you got,” he yelled as he pulled out a knife and pointed it toward my throat.
“Run!” I whispered, praying that Erin and Leah would listen.
I heard Erin scream, “We have to help,” but then I heard no more sounds except for the kid next to me.
The kid pointed the knife lower as I pulled out everything in my pockets. No way would I risk my life for this stupid robbery. Just as I handed my stuff over, he stabbed me right in the heart. Pain. I knew I only had about a minute to live for I was losing blood quickly. As I dropped to the ground after thirty seconds, my only last thought was: I love you, Erin. Always have, always will.

Erin

November 27, 2007

With my eyes toward the ground, I walked into the funeral home trying to keep from crying. I couldn’t stand to look at his coffin. I looked around, avoiding the coffin, and found Leah seated in the third row. I could feel people’s eyes on me, but I tried my best to ignore them. Two of my friends from school started to get up, but stopped when they saw that I kept walking with my eyes to the ground. Once I got to the row that Leah was sitting in, I sat down next to her.
“Here,” she said as she pulled out a tissue for both of us. With her arms around me, I knew that I had a friend that somewhat understood what I was going through. I hadn’t talked since they found the dead body where we left him, and I wasn’t planning on talking except for my speech. As I sat down, I glanced toward the empty seat and looked behind to see my mother talking to Chris’s parents. And when I looked back at the empty seat, I saw him. I rubbed my eyes, and just as I picked my head up again, I saw his arms out toward. Just as he put him arms around me, my mom sat down. And then he was gone. I waited, trying to stay calm, until the service started. Half way through the service, they called my name. I grabbed my purse and pulled out my speech. As I spoke, I could feel him watching over me and thanking me for being so brave. Just as I finished the last sentence, the tears broke free and everyone ran up to help me back to my seat. And the tears wouldn’t stop until I had nothing left.


so what do you think of it? do you want to read more?
 
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