What do you think of my poem?

rondo

New member
--==I Must See That I Be Forgiven==--

The incumbent dreamer that I am feels broken
Fractured in my smiling coat of heartbreaks
Cold in my broken sleepless dreams
I trample upon them in my sleep, trespassing virgins
Virgins like a bucket of broken hearts
The bucket of heartbreaks rapturing in my hands
By which passing over I can list another lass

I'd contemplate, despite if better my svelte body was a brain
Going blissfully intoxicated, growing vacuous fixated on the pain
Sins stolen like a heartbreak some record sings
Blasting magnitudes of my magnificence to Mars
In my dream most vivid color emancipating;
That I'd make the sniffing of flowers scatter its scents
To soften the heinous regard of the accusations
Of my soul

Not second in my scape
My fractured dream I splint keeping to
The tide vain again by at bay
But the cold winter leaks in
Blisteringly repenting in my dark thirst
The frosting blasts of tsunamis rise everywhere
Skyscrapers tumbling inside their wake
From my sleep do I awaken
For I must have been there, I am all over
And it was my dream, I was woken
That I see how the scars by my bucket heal
That I must see that I be forgiven

Green fire is
Burnt but the fields remain supple
And ingrained it will be in their affections
Virgins no more then bent
But broken still the heart beat the bucket has red
And then it must be that it will never miss more then beats
That I have in my bucket, the beat once that is not more
 
It's deep, dark, and confusing.
Nothing to do with you, I just don't understand it.
I admire folks that can write poetry. Best wishes!
 
Wow......Amazing. Very Very Deep. I love it. You have a gift my good fellow.
 
Do you want critisicm? tsunamis are warmer than cold (frosting blasts) , but I like the concept. Unless they occur in New England. Other than that, I thought it was a good suicidal type deppressive poem.
But it was very creative and heartfelt
 
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