What do you think of my poem?

J

JezzGaa

New member
Ring a ring o’ roses
A closed handful of daisies
A distant sunshine’s warmth
Daytime feeling hazy
Careful of the thorn
Your feet are so adorn
Beauty to my eyes
Surely a disguise
Love, love, love my dear
Smile, smile, and hide the fear
Close your eyes explore
That thorn will hurt no more
A tissue, a tissue
We all fall down
 
"Daytime feeling hazy." This doesn't make sense. How can daytime feel hazy? Weather can be misty, but it certainly cannot feel hazy.

"Your feet are so adorn." Sorry, but feet are not very alluring, unless you're fond of feet.

I'm sorry, but the rhymes & context of this poem is colossally cliche. They are not coherent either. It does not flow eloquently; it's contrived. Poetry is not about riveting rhymes, but it is indeed about expressing an emotion with vivid sentiments and immaculate imagery. Focus on something and write about it; don't focus on consuming rhymes into your poem.
 
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