What do you think of my poem?

rondo

New member
Digital Xms

The oblivion is like wire
Smirking
A devotion snaking by
Virile

Coiled wire dreaming to be
Rid
A dreaming grid
Fiddle

Hail the still bit
Life
Drumming by
Suborbital
 
Yeah but at least I can be a hero, I know you will rework it probably.
So I would ask that you not use wire twice, pet peeve poet.
Cord would do nicely in its place the second time,
"Coiled cord codding dreams to be"
Just a nit pick, zap me a line if you rework this one.
 
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