what do you think of my poem and be critical?

personally, i don't like it.
1. it's cliche. we've heard it all before.
2. it doesn't inspire.
3. find something that really hits you deep, not this high school crap.
4. true that with the beauty and style thing.

well, just practice on writing, and you'll hit the spot. have fun and hope you achieve your dream.
 
I am an aspiring writer. And right now at my school we're studying slam poetry and we have to perform. People always call me a "scene girl" at school and this is just kind of my response to that. Keep in mind that these are better performed than they are read lol. And be honest and tell me what I could change etc.


i used to deny this cliche
of skinny beautiful girls with colors plastered in their hair
their faces embedded and bedazzled with rings and studs of all kinds
who rawr all the time.
I used to DENY it, refuse that I conformed to any label.
What is a label?
These devouring words that others give us just by what they see
The slut, the jock, the nerd
Does his jersey really makeup who he is?'
Do the size of his glasses really make up who he is?
Is the fact that she got pregnant over the summer make up who she is?
Is it because we are so upset
So sad
So disgusted by what we see every morning when we wake up that we have to judge and label others with all of our own insecurities!
Does each blemish on our face make up new hate, new spite,
For that girl who walks down the hallway every morning who's so perfect that we have to say
"God what a whore!" just because we are jealous!
Is her beauty what makes her!
Is the fact that i have blue and hot pink thrown all over the strands of my hair and the fact that I have more hair extensions than brain cells
And the fact that I have so many hello kitty bracelets that I can't even count them all!
Is the fact that by the end of this year I will have 8 piercings total make up who i am?
Is the fact that I wear faded Iron Maiden shirts and neon shoes and I eat sleep and breath in my skinny jeans make me scene!
Or is it because I lov facebook more than actual faces or books make me scene!
Well whatever it is that makes me this label
This lie
This stain upon my soul that in ten years no one will remember
Whatever it is!
I love it!



(o and I only put it in beauty and style because this is all anyone ever reads lol)
 
ya really good but in the end you made too much about you and it got confusing when you moved around topics a lot it was like you were just making it up on the spot like you put almost no effort in the editing portio
but still very good or a ruff draft
you have so many ideas so it seems like something you like writing about which is a good source of inspiration
 
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