What do you think? I'm fifteen poetry is my passion.?
- Thread starter Elisa
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McKenna Sandoval
New member
Its really good, i love your rhyming and your rhythm, just so you know poetry doesn't all ways have to rhyme but i love it, its very well written. Applause to you.
You let me down,
I fell to the ground.
You won, I lost,
You broke my heart, cheated
And tore me apart.
I began to heal, you found another girl.
You fell in love,
for you it was real.
But she left, with nothing said,
her love unkown, she left you for dead.
You fell down, i stood up,
In the end you were the one who lost,
With karma at cost.
Need works but what do you think,
I'm fifteen and poety is truely my passion. This poem is one of my most recent,
it is true emotion. I was with a guy he left me for someone else, but then she left him and she called it karma so i wrote and this is what i got
haaha, on of the comments i laugh in your face.
I'm fifteen and i am going to take a writing course because i wanna get better
I fell to the ground.
You won, I lost,
You broke my heart, cheated
And tore me apart.
I began to heal, you found another girl.
You fell in love,
for you it was real.
But she left, with nothing said,
her love unkown, she left you for dead.
You fell down, i stood up,
In the end you were the one who lost,
With karma at cost.
Need works but what do you think,
I'm fifteen and poety is truely my passion. This poem is one of my most recent,
it is true emotion. I was with a guy he left me for someone else, but then she left him and she called it karma so i wrote and this is what i got
haaha, on of the comments i laugh in your face.
I'm fifteen and i am going to take a writing course because i wanna get better
The Mighty Iano
New member
It may be your passion, but it certainly isn't your vocation.
J
jessenuf luvs spagetti
Guest
I think its good, very good actually, the only thing I can see maybe as an improvement, is like you said, just a little more work, its good, but I would slow it down just a little, but that's just me, stay with you passion, in the end, its all we really have left, the joy we get from our passions.
I´ve been on here reading people´s poems and yours is the only one i´ve commented on so far. Everyone has different taste of course but I really think this is a good poem Keep writing. I like how it flows. It is has rhymes in good places and is unpredictable yet familiar. It is a good mix of a lot of good things. Good Job
Keep writing. I like how it flows. It is has rhymes in good places and is unpredictable yet familiar. It is a good mix of a lot of good things. Good Job c_kayak_fun
New member
Meh. Sounds like second rate Country and Western song.
No rhythm, no meter, dopey rhymes, awkward phrasing, cliches, overdone topic. A rant with some accidental assonance does not constitute a "poem."
Every teen in the country (and probably every other country in the world) has written some similarly sloppy and unoriginal version of that "you stomped on my heart" whine. You want to be a poet? Prove it. Go to the library. Read, read, read, read the good stuff until you know what a real poem and real passion actually are (Pablo Neruda, W. B. Yeats, Sharon Olds, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson). Take a creative writing course. Practice using formal meter and rhyming schemes and original language. Be attentive to the sound and pattern of words. Choose a topic that hasn't been hammered to death.
Here's your first assignment (I used to moderate a poetry forum for young people and this is one of the basic lessons.): instead of writing your OWN story (as in "you broke my heart"), compose a poem as if you were inside the brain of the guy who dumped you. Or, project yourself into the mind and emotions of someone in your school who you dislike or barely notice. In other words, step away from your melodramatic adolescent hormones and self-reference for a moment and exercise your creative imagination.
No rhythm, no meter, dopey rhymes, awkward phrasing, cliches, overdone topic. A rant with some accidental assonance does not constitute a "poem."
Every teen in the country (and probably every other country in the world) has written some similarly sloppy and unoriginal version of that "you stomped on my heart" whine. You want to be a poet? Prove it. Go to the library. Read, read, read, read the good stuff until you know what a real poem and real passion actually are (Pablo Neruda, W. B. Yeats, Sharon Olds, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson). Take a creative writing course. Practice using formal meter and rhyming schemes and original language. Be attentive to the sound and pattern of words. Choose a topic that hasn't been hammered to death.
Here's your first assignment (I used to moderate a poetry forum for young people and this is one of the basic lessons.): instead of writing your OWN story (as in "you broke my heart"), compose a poem as if you were inside the brain of the guy who dumped you. Or, project yourself into the mind and emotions of someone in your school who you dislike or barely notice. In other words, step away from your melodramatic adolescent hormones and self-reference for a moment and exercise your creative imagination.
The Mighty Iano
New member
It may be your passion, but it certainly isn't your vocation.
c_kayak_fun
New member
Meh. Sounds like second rate Country and Western song.
No rhythm, no meter, dopey rhymes, awkward phrasing, cliches, overdone topic. A rant with some accidental assonance does not constitute a "poem."
Every teen in the country (and probably every other country in the world) has written some similarly sloppy and unoriginal version of that "you stomped on my heart" whine. You want to be a poet? Prove it. Go to the library. Read, read, read, read the good stuff until you know what a real poem and real passion actually are (Pablo Neruda, W. B. Yeats, Sharon Olds, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson). Take a creative writing course. Practice using formal meter and rhyming schemes and original language. Be attentive to the sound and pattern of words. Choose a topic that hasn't been hammered to death.
Here's your first assignment (I used to moderate a poetry forum for young people and this is one of the basic lessons.): instead of writing your OWN story (as in "you broke my heart"), compose a poem as if you were inside the brain of the guy who dumped you. Or, project yourself into the mind and emotions of someone in your school who you dislike or barely notice. In other words, step away from your melodramatic adolescent hormones and self-reference for a moment and exercise your creative imagination.
No rhythm, no meter, dopey rhymes, awkward phrasing, cliches, overdone topic. A rant with some accidental assonance does not constitute a "poem."
Every teen in the country (and probably every other country in the world) has written some similarly sloppy and unoriginal version of that "you stomped on my heart" whine. You want to be a poet? Prove it. Go to the library. Read, read, read, read the good stuff until you know what a real poem and real passion actually are (Pablo Neruda, W. B. Yeats, Sharon Olds, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson). Take a creative writing course. Practice using formal meter and rhyming schemes and original language. Be attentive to the sound and pattern of words. Choose a topic that hasn't been hammered to death.
Here's your first assignment (I used to moderate a poetry forum for young people and this is one of the basic lessons.): instead of writing your OWN story (as in "you broke my heart"), compose a poem as if you were inside the brain of the guy who dumped you. Or, project yourself into the mind and emotions of someone in your school who you dislike or barely notice. In other words, step away from your melodramatic adolescent hormones and self-reference for a moment and exercise your creative imagination.