What do you say to your mother-in-law?

L

Lue R

New member
Your mother-in-law has never cared for you know matter how good of a wife and mother you have been. What do you say to her when her family is dying all around her and she apparently cannot take any more? I want her to know that I care for what she is going through. But, what do I say? Even though when I was diagnosed with cancer last year and not even a phone call from her? I care that she hurts. I have been married to her son for 15 years and have two beautiful children. I can't love my husband and not love her also.
Yes I do know she has emotional or other problems. That Is why I still care for her. There is no telling what her actual background or circumstance was. So I try to look over her. Her smart mouth and attitude.
 
I had an evil mother--in-law myself. The fact that I'm divorced should say a lot. Very hard situation. I think the only thing you can do is be the nice person you are and offer your support. don't let her change who you are because she's not a nice person; that makes you just like her. I don't doubt that most people see her for who she is and if you are kind and supportive you win in the long run. someday, (maybe on her death bed) she will appreciate you. I hope your doing well now.
 
Sometimes just writing it down helps. Get her a nice card that has some room to write what you want to say. Just let her know that you know that it's hard for her and you wish that she would share it with you because you do care. Ask her if there was something you did to make her shut you out. You can't help her unless she talks to you. Let her know that you do love her and you want some kind of relationship with her. Because one day, she might not have anyone else but you to talk to. I know how important it is to how a relationship with your mother-in-law. My boyfriend and I are not married yet, but so far, I have a pretty good relationship with his mom. She already sees me as a daughter. Try the card or sit her down sometime or take her out to lunch or coffee and tell her how you feel. I hope it works out for you.
 
It's said that approximately 1 in 8 people are seriously mentally/emotionally messed up. Recognize that she may be one of them. If she hasn't warmed up in 15 years it is unlikely that she will (or can). Is she able to maintain any close relationships ? Are they with men ? women? both ? Consider that it may not be YOU specifically, it may not be possible for her. Or... she may see you as competition for her son's affections/allegiance. Or worse, she may hate you because she is no competition for you (she feels that she lost her son to you). Movies and television create this false expectation that it is easy to distinguish a "crazy" person. After all, in the movies it is easy to recognize them - they look strange and creepy music plays when they enter the scene - but in real life it is often difficult to tell. Simply - she may be a few bricks short of a load.
 
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