What do you honestly think of my poem?

M

Madison

New member
Days creep by,
As I watch on,
Living life as a story book…

Flipping through each page,
Happy faces and haunting laughs,
Jealousy spreading through my fingertips.

Pages rip and pages tear
As I keep flipping through,
A reader not a character in my own story.

I read on and on and on until,
That’s not enough….
And the last page is torn.
 
Very musical personification
Flowing
Fantastic Imagery
Nice descriptive language and line spacing.
Paragraphing is good
Short and Succinct
Leaves it open at the end for effect

Altogether?
Great Poem, you have there! ;)
 
i enjoyed reading this :] my suggestion would be to change the line "Living life as a story book" to something like "Living life in a story book" to make the poem a complete metaphor. : ] hope i helped!
 
I LOVE it! I'm not positive that the message you want to send to the reader is this, but it seems to me like the person in the poem is talking about living life as if he or she is not living it at all, but only watching others live it. The emotion of jealousy is felt throughout the poem. I really think it states a sort of pain or urge. It's a great poem, and could maybe use a little bit of editing, but the concept altogether is great. Good job! ^-^
 
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