What do you do when you're really hurting all of the time and have no one to talk to?

[Serenity]

Okay so, essentially, my mom died three years ago. It never really hit me until a few months ago, and now I miss her so much it hurts all of time. I just want to talk to her again and knit blankets and do arts and crafts and cook and do all of the things I did growing up with her, and I can't bring her back no matter how much I want it. I want her to see me graduate college and get married and have a family and career and all of that, and she'll never get to see any of that and ughhh anyway, I'm really depressed so often lately, especially at night, and there's nothing I can do but cry into my pillow. I feel so helpless. I can't even like tell anyone about it because I just don't talk to my family or friends about stuff like that. It would be the most awkward thing in the world, plus everyone thinks I'm over it. How do you get over something like this? I'm tired of crying and wanting to change something I can't change.