What do you do after you've been treated...and still want to do it?

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♫Bailey☮

New member
I used to be a cutter....I was hospitilized for it, on medication for a year, and took therapy for a year....All in all i seemed like I was ok afterwards....but lately I've been feeling...the same way. I want to cut myself, thinking suicidal thoughts, just want everything gone. I mean I know cutting is not right...nor is thinking suicidal thoughts ...but I do it.....what do I do?
The therapy and medication just doesn't seem to be working.....
 
omg... I totally know how you feel....I dont know if you have read any of my threads in life sux but yes I went through the same thing... and I still have the thoughts and urges too...i am on meds and theropy too it dont work... the thing that helps me is my little girl and my boyfriend they are both so supportive of everything...that i never want to hurt them or lose them in any way...
 
Any many ways its like a drug and in many ways no one can really tell you what to feel or how to see shit. You NEED to find your own strenght with inside of you. When you start noticing that you are wanting to die, wanting to cut yourself. Go outside and if you can look up...... the sky is endless you will see how small your city,town, state, country is.... how small the world is. You will realize that there is more to life then just pain, blood, sucide.... that there is life.... sometimes worth pushing through all of the darkness and all of the pain.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes.... listen to the wind... the air, the city.... anything you can think of.... just listen.

The world is truly beautiful.... from the rising sun, to falling stars, to the baby ducks, the warm grass, the trees, the butterflies and even the rain. You yourself just have to find your beauty. Once you find that.... once you see it.... all else drifts away, you start to feel your strenght inside. The one that breaks through all the cages and walls you built around you and says "LISTEN HERE I WANT TO LIVE."

in the end... you have got to WANT TO LIVE, you have got to place value on yourself, on your world and on your life... cause in truth no one else can do this for you.
 
Its your life....you may give or take it as you see fit. Just know that death is not a good answer. I almost died in a car wreck a year back, I was out cold for 4 hours. This "lost" time is the scariest thing I have ever known. Sometimes I think thats what death must be like, nothingness. In my very humble opinion pain is better then nothing....If you never had pain you'll never know joy so stick it out and know that it's better to be alive. Thats how I do it anyway, but my life is not your life.
 
thanks everybody...but....kitana is right.....there's just alot of mixed feelings right now...I never wanted to kill myself...but ....just wanted this shit to go away.....The thing I'm really trying to overcome is cutting.....because my parents are really.....strict...and....old....basically...and they freak out by any sign of weirdness....which I just can't help.....
 
here's an easy way to filter out all the nasty bullshit from the beauty:

ignore everything made by man and by civilization, and let yourself soak in everything else. the beauty is inherent in the world. only humanity is working to thwart it.

~ dan ~
 
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