I want to go see Steven Seagal play in Camden. Unfortunately I will not be able to afford it at the moment. It is such a shame. It has long been my arabition to see the man, the legend, busting out the blues. Maybe if I write to him pretending to be a fat, lonely, vulnerable and sexually disinhibited housewife, then just maybe he will send me a ticket. Or maybe if I hide in a cake and deliver myself...