what are some funny jokes that you know?

J

juicyfruit

New member
i am really bored:)
so tell me some funny jokes that you know! heheee

here's two of mine:

doctor: sir, i'm afraid i have some bad news, and some worse news.
patient: well, let's hear the bad news first...
doctor: the bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live.
patient: well what could be worse than that!!
doctor: i tried to call you yesterday.

and the second one:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”


PS. star if you liked the jokes!!
 
haha i loved them!

I like this one:

Recently, Tom had been having dreams that predicted the future. He had dreampt last week that his grandfather would die, and the following day he did so. He told his parents this. The next night, he dreampt his father would die. He tells his parents this, and the father goes to work, extremely spooked. When he gets home, he goes straight to his wife.
"I had the most awful day today dear, it's been awful."
"You think you've had a had day," she replies, "This morning the postman dropped dead on our doorstep!"
 
what do they call a little mexican?

--- a Paragraph.. Cause he's not quite an essay!!!

Ahhhh HAAA haaaa....
 
The best ones would violate the conditions of this site.

Others...

What do you call a blind stag?
No idea
---
Why is it crap being an egg?

Because you only get laid once
It takes three minutes to get hard
Only two minutes to be soft
The only woman to sit on you was your mother
---
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef
 
3 old geriatrics in a old folks home. They're all discussing how awful it is to be old.
70 Year old says: My my it's terrible being 70. I got out of bed this morning a 6.00am, went to the toilet and tried to have a pee. I was there for about 30 minutes grunting and straining to empty my bladder with little success. It's terrible being 70.

80 year old says: That's nothing! I got out of bed at 6.30 this morning to go and have a poo and I was there for an hour grunting and straining to get my bowels to move with not much success. It's terrible being 80.

90 year old says: That's nothing at 6.00 this morning I had a pee, free as you like no problem at all i was finished in about 20 seconds or so. And at 6.30 this morning I went to move my bowels and free as you like came out in 1 long cable length, Finished in about 2 minutes. It's terrible being 90.

The 70 and 80 year olds look at each other and say;"What's so terrible about that?

90 Year old:" I never got out of bed till 10 o' clock.
 
What will you call your pet crow if it comes second in a race???


Ans: Mi-cro-second.!!

Bahahahaahahahaha :D
 
Back
Top