Usual rants of BD

M

*Ms.Star.(=

New member
I spoke to an ex last night for the first time in over 2 years. I realised she doesn't care about me at all. She's very happy with her boyfriend, and doesn't even want to be friends with me.

No one wants to be with me anymore. Not my family, because they're always walking away from me saying I bore them. They haven't got any time to see me most of the time so I'm left alone. My old school friends are the same as my family. They'd rather not spend time with me, because I'm not 'in the loop' and they have nothing to say to me.

Since 1999 I've lived alone. Couldn't convince a single woman to live with me. Couldn't keep a woman for longer than a year, if I'm lucky.

I doubt I'll meet anyone now. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts, but I'd never kill myself. The way I look at myself has changed - people see me as a drug addict so that's what I think of myself. This gives me low self-esteem. I don't lack confidence, I lack motivation or 'drive'. I guess all the people who used to warn me about the dangers of drug addiction are right. I'm a burnout.

I haven't worked in over a decade. My last job was stacking supermarket shelves during college as a teenager. I had a nervous breakdown, over and over until the psychiatrist diagnosed me as schitzophrenic and I've been on disability ever since.

Personally, I'd love to meet someone - anyone! - close to my age, who smokes only the ganja, to chill with at night or during the day. I know this won't help to quit drugs, but it will give me at least friendship. It sounds really stupid but I'm just really alone and starting to think my life has no future, definitely no present, and death is the only answer.
 
Dude - I've got a myriad of compounding mental and sociological problems. I'm in the ghetto where drugs are rampant. I've done everything except X and Heroin. That's something I'm saving for later, the heroin.

But you really think it's that easy to quit mary jane? There's a lot of stoners with grey hair, it's that addictive. That's just like saying - hey to quit cigarettes don't buy a packet. It's a battle over desire, will, and emotion. Sometimes I'd seriously jump out a window just to get high. :mfinger:
 
okay now I don't do this often so you better listen up. I know in going through several posts on WTF that I have seen that somewhere there in Europe the have social heath care, so if you live in a place that does why not jsut check yourself into rehab. See if they have a vocational program around you that will help you get a job once you get clean and move the fuck out of the GHETTO! If not the you really just need to do your best to stop smoking and try to get a job and move still. Get yourself out of the cycle your in. If not you may just get killed over the weed that you think you need so badly.


*shakes off the sympathy*

Wow that was weird. :confused:
 
you can't get away from drugs in england, the whole country is only the size of tennessee and there's +/- 60 million people.. half of which are just like blaze_daily.. and the NHS (social healthcare) wouldn't really worry about a dope smoker.. far too many crackheads, smackheads and E casualties.. not to mention the growing ketamine phenomenon..
i think the fundamental problem for BD is he needs something to do.. a lot of us have been there, you take a couple of months or years out to do drugs and pursue your interests.. writing, music, or whatever.. well BD tried doing web design and that didn't work out so he's just stuck now, unemployed and approaching unemployable if he doesn't bring himself back from his self imposed abyss..
Blaze_Daily, get a hobby.. join a band, write a journal, learn to code.. or get a job.. even a McJob will give you something better to bitch about than picking on yourself..
do anything..
just stop telling us that you're shit and that ghosts suck your cock while your mother watches..
thanks.
 
These are excuses. You don't WANT to quit so you make up excuses for yourself. They allow you to live in this little world of self pitty that you've built for yourself which, in turn, gives you a way to justify smoking pot.

Your life sucks. You know why it sucks. You know what to do to make it not suck. You just don't have the character to do anything about it. Some people would say you lack the balls, other the intestinal fortitude. I don't really care what you call it. You're weak.

You know what you need to do. So either do it or don't. But don't blame anyone or anything but yourself for the spot you find yourself in. You created these problems and you can either choose to deal or choose to not deal.
 
Look kid, most of us have something wrong with us.....I have a list of mental issues I would tell you about but the post would be too long. You can not say that it is the pot, I think thats a cop out for you. Not having a girlfriend does not make or break your life. Yeah, it sucks, but I'm sure you will find someone someday....everyone has thier soulmate, give it time. Life is not a piece of cake, its not filled with honey and fluffy bears. Life is a bitch. People are shit. Thats the way it is.

Now, you have a choice. You can sit and bitch and whine and look for a warm shoulder to cry on. I say, fuck that. Stand up, get real, get a job, deal with it. Move on. Don't listen to bullshit, don't fall into self pity.

So you live in a ghetto, so what? I live in a poor country county, we are all trailer trash here. Meth is abundant, as a matter of fact, where we live, we are on the Feds top ten list for meth manufacturing...in a County of about 50000 ppl. That doesnt mean shit. You still have to live your life for yourself. be who you need to be, and not what everyone around you is being.
 
Start living your life.

As my dad once said to me, "pull your fucking finger out of your ass and get on with it". I did that (not literally before you ask).
 
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