Navo Senthil
New member
:blob_fire :blob_fire:blob_fire
Hi!
This is something that has really upset me...and I wanted to know what anybody here thought!
I once had a close friend that I will call "Penny".
She has a major disability with her heart and kidneys.She was born with one small heart valve,and one functioning kidney.
She ,over the past twenty years has had another operation on her heart,and has had to carry a tank(02) everywhere she goes, pretty much all of the time.This is how she uses and or "manipulated" nearly everybody around her.
She always uses her excuses of "I cannot possible carry this tank, and carry these 2 little bags of items that I bought at the store, would you carry my tank,and my packages up the stairs for me?"
"Lets keep driving around the block, till somebody leaves, and we can get that space, because it's right in front of the restaurant where we want to go,or it's closer to the movie theater...or if we can't find a space, you drop me off, and I will go in,and get us the seats!" (this has happened to moi' alot!,I was just ONE of many friends,and I cannot exclude her family either, because "we all" catered to this type of behavior, even when she could do these things herself!..and she literally would sit back and deny it! Which is most upsetting!)
Also, we both went to another town about one to two hours away from where she lived, and her friend,her husband ,she and I ,went "plaza" shopping.
I figured that I would go into the shops with her friend, since Penny had no inclination of wanting to go inside.....She would sit on a plaza bench with a very, very sour expression on her face,and call to me"Hey! Where are you going?" to which I would answer "I am going to go inside,and see what is in this shop!" TO which she would call back "You don't have to go it,and besides, these stores are like all of the others where we live, just let her go into these shops, come sit next to me and keep me company!It's really hot out here, and I might need you, in case I faint from the heat(which she doesn't,,,I had known her for thirty-something years!)When that didn't stop me, then she tried more guilt,"Remember, you didn't come here to shop, just to see my friend,and you are here, because of me! She's MY friend, not yours!" I started to feel bad,but, something kept me going and I thought, she's gotten too negative....and she never stops reminding me, that :"I do not know what it is like to have a heart condition!" (to which I'll admit, that, "yeah,that's true, I don't!") and to which she will continue with the guilt trip all over again! "Well, since you can't possibly know, then sit on the bench with me,and be the friend that you're always saying that you are!"
I have gotten so repulsed by this type of behavior....I am still angry! I left last May,and I haven't written to her....everyone around me has said "just forget about her,and deal with those issues, but, now you don't have to worry about her, anymore,she can't "hurt" your feelings anymore or try to control you either....you broke free of her, she's history!Well, if she's history, why do I still feel very angry,and I am still dreaming about her, telling me what to do!!
There are many other ways that she manipulates people, and I hate hearing about it, in some ways....because I still sometimes hear about her conversations with people that I am connected with...and I don't always want to know anything about her, I try to "get over " this!
But, has anyone else dealt with disabled people that take their guilt and try to pin it on you?
What happened to you, and what did you end up doing about it?
I am no longer friends with her,I ended the friendship when I moved, last May!
I know that when we were friends, we would have knock down emotionally charged arguments about stuff,and a few physical ones as well! I would have to say that that particular physical one was from the SuMmEr Of hEll! It wasn't "pretty" and needless to say, we also got a ton of stares at a local icecream shop, and were told not to fight anymore,as they previously had thought about calling the cops on the two of us!!
:bouncing:
But, I had never meant to go that far, and neither had she! She just really hurt my feelings....I do not understand what the heck her problem is....because for years,I really tried to be a better, more understanding type of friend...and I used to listen to her....even help.....but, I know one thing, "you can't changea person, especially if they don't want the help!"
Does anybody have anything to share on this subject of guilt/abuse/use/friendships?
Just really wondering!.....
nightowl2
P.S. I also just really need to know, how other people have dealt with these types of abuse...because I ended the friendship;talking to her, did absolutely nothing, for me! 
nightowl2
Hi!
This is something that has really upset me...and I wanted to know what anybody here thought!
I once had a close friend that I will call "Penny".
She has a major disability with her heart and kidneys.She was born with one small heart valve,and one functioning kidney.
She ,over the past twenty years has had another operation on her heart,and has had to carry a tank(02) everywhere she goes, pretty much all of the time.This is how she uses and or "manipulated" nearly everybody around her.
She always uses her excuses of "I cannot possible carry this tank, and carry these 2 little bags of items that I bought at the store, would you carry my tank,and my packages up the stairs for me?"
"Lets keep driving around the block, till somebody leaves, and we can get that space, because it's right in front of the restaurant where we want to go,or it's closer to the movie theater...or if we can't find a space, you drop me off, and I will go in,and get us the seats!" (this has happened to moi' alot!,I was just ONE of many friends,and I cannot exclude her family either, because "we all" catered to this type of behavior, even when she could do these things herself!..and she literally would sit back and deny it! Which is most upsetting!)
Also, we both went to another town about one to two hours away from where she lived, and her friend,her husband ,she and I ,went "plaza" shopping.
I figured that I would go into the shops with her friend, since Penny had no inclination of wanting to go inside.....She would sit on a plaza bench with a very, very sour expression on her face,and call to me"Hey! Where are you going?" to which I would answer "I am going to go inside,and see what is in this shop!" TO which she would call back "You don't have to go it,and besides, these stores are like all of the others where we live, just let her go into these shops, come sit next to me and keep me company!It's really hot out here, and I might need you, in case I faint from the heat(which she doesn't,,,I had known her for thirty-something years!)When that didn't stop me, then she tried more guilt,"Remember, you didn't come here to shop, just to see my friend,and you are here, because of me! She's MY friend, not yours!" I started to feel bad,but, something kept me going and I thought, she's gotten too negative....and she never stops reminding me, that :"I do not know what it is like to have a heart condition!" (to which I'll admit, that, "yeah,that's true, I don't!") and to which she will continue with the guilt trip all over again! "Well, since you can't possibly know, then sit on the bench with me,and be the friend that you're always saying that you are!"
I have gotten so repulsed by this type of behavior....I am still angry! I left last May,and I haven't written to her....everyone around me has said "just forget about her,and deal with those issues, but, now you don't have to worry about her, anymore,she can't "hurt" your feelings anymore or try to control you either....you broke free of her, she's history!Well, if she's history, why do I still feel very angry,and I am still dreaming about her, telling me what to do!!
There are many other ways that she manipulates people, and I hate hearing about it, in some ways....because I still sometimes hear about her conversations with people that I am connected with...and I don't always want to know anything about her, I try to "get over " this!
But, has anyone else dealt with disabled people that take their guilt and try to pin it on you?
What happened to you, and what did you end up doing about it?
I am no longer friends with her,I ended the friendship when I moved, last May!
I know that when we were friends, we would have knock down emotionally charged arguments about stuff,and a few physical ones as well! I would have to say that that particular physical one was from the SuMmEr Of hEll! It wasn't "pretty" and needless to say, we also got a ton of stares at a local icecream shop, and were told not to fight anymore,as they previously had thought about calling the cops on the two of us!!
:bouncing: But, I had never meant to go that far, and neither had she! She just really hurt my feelings....I do not understand what the heck her problem is....because for years,I really tried to be a better, more understanding type of friend...and I used to listen to her....even help.....but, I know one thing, "you can't changea person, especially if they don't want the help!"
Does anybody have anything to share on this subject of guilt/abuse/use/friendships?
Just really wondering!.....
nightowl2
P.S. I also just really need to know, how other people have dealt with these types of abuse...because I ended the friendship;talking to her, did absolutely nothing, for me!
nightowl2