Unsure and Frustrated

D

Drew K

New member
Wow... change is the only constant.

Let's define me. Work full-time, pay bills (if barely), likes to have fun. My schedule allows me to be open nearly any day of the week to have some fun. I define fun as hanging around with no children, having a few drinks and maybe a smoke, and bull-shitting/watching movies/being silly/generally whatever it takes to make a good time, blowing off some stress, and hanging with some cool people. Not bar hopping/strip clubs/mad money spending trips. A bottle, pack of smokes, and some good company.

Not overly complicated.

It's become nearly impossible to accomplish such a simple goal as having fun outside my house.

This is a small town, so there's that. The people in their 30's - 40's are so focused on making money/family that their fun, and my fun, just don't mesh anymore, at all. The people who like to have fun like I do are younger and full of drama or so inconsistent that it's very difficult to get together. I'm in a position now that I haven't been in for decades.

I went from lots of friends, to no real friends (except my wife, who doesn't like to have fun like I do, but doesn't mind if I do). I know some people, but they're so involved with themselves/family they don't have time for friends. I guess that's fucking way more common that I realized. I always knew it was a little tricky, but fuck, it seems like a wall now.

I live every day like it's important, like it matters, so for me it now feels like years have passed even though it's only been months. It's really been bringing me down.

I guess I'll just have to make a lot more effort to "get out there" and find some fun people. I'll probably hit up the college, as I know a few people going there.

It's just so sudden. Like I hit some weird spot where I'm too old to hang with young party minded people, and the old people just don't. It's not like I'm expecting that much, or so I thought.
 
There's nothing at all wrong with people focusing on money/family issues, but those people also need to realize that they need time away from that stuff, too. Try talking to some of your family minded friends and reminding them that although their family is #1, they should make time with their friends as well. How else can you stay sane?
 
I suppose in some ways I can relate and in some ways I can't.

I personally, have much more fun relaxing by myself than surrounded by a group of people. There is only one person I actually enjoy hanging out with and I'm sure I'd get annoyed with her to at some point if we hung out more than we do now.

Just because you can't go about your 'usual' way of having fun, maybe it's just time to try some new things?? There are people in every age group who enjoy just kickin' back and drinkin'..it just sounds like your usual group is busy with life right now. People drift, it happens. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

Get out and try some simple things you haven't done before, there are unlimited possibilities and it opens you up to meet some new people who possibly will have the same interests and who may be on your level.
 
JLXC, would it be too much to ask that maybe you start focusing on family / money, too? That doesn't necessarily mean you can't have fun anymore, it just means you have to moderate it accordingly.
 
Steelasp me either! I miss D&D.

Rook... I have. I have raised a kid, and kept myself afloat, AND still had fun. It's not like I'm ignoring the other ones, it's just not my only focus in life.
 
Na, he doesn't want to yet, and I think it's fine. Why should he be like "all others"?

Look, I'm 19 and for some reason I grew up a lot more in the head than most of the people of my age (that surround me, at least) and sometimes it's hard to be in the same room with all of them and just think in "Fuck, they are so stupid!", I know that's somehow wrong but it often happens to me.
I actually enjoy going out with older people, from 23 to 26 and even with people that are more than 30, I enjoy it a lot, and at least here in my city you can find many at that age that have the likes you talked about plus a lot of black and acid humor.

What do I do? I will not leave my 19-20 year old friends at all, but I try to know more people and to hang out with different groups, each group has something appealing and it can be really hard to find a group that has everything you like in it.

Just don't give up on it and don't let this temporal stuff bring you down.
 
My kids are my only focus in life. Everything I do is to ensure that they have a solid future and that they are loved. And this will be true until I'm in the grave or I have grandbabies to switch my focus onto.

If you create a life, you are forever responsible for that life.

I act the same way even for my ex's kids (my kids' half bro) and CL's kids (my step kids).
 
The people like you are doing the things you are doing.

I just gave someone else this same advice but it fits here as well, so sorry about the recycled advice but here it is.

Go to more concerts.
 
Heh, sound advice, I am always looking for a good concert. :)

There are tremors in the force, and it looks like I'm gonna get some relief from some people I sorta fell out of touch with a while ago, not the recent group. So we'll see. :)

I'm not giving up enjoying myself when I can. I will do that until I'm dead. Sometimes it's easier than other times obviously.
 
Make a trip up to Colorado. I'll introduce you to the most laid back, stoner, party nerds you've ever met in your life. And I'll smoke some of that yummy Colorado home-grown with you!

There's one of the best concert venues in the world, here. Natural acoustics and everything. :D
 
Try getting more involved with local musicians/bands and seeing where that goes. My friends did this with a band called Room 13 who played their son's birthday party.

Its just hard for me to relate, all my friends party with me, we all work, we all have kids, we all go to each others houses and the park and camping together. We're mostly all family anyways tho lol.
 
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