Two years of a restored life...

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Reach,

I am new to the boarRAB. Today I am 73 days clean and beginning to enjoy the little things in life once again! I had been abusing oxy and ativan for the past seven years. :dizzy: It was a tough road, a week in detox and 3 weeks in an IOP. My head is finally clear, I am able to think clearly and remeraber things.

I am inspired by your post. Two years is a long way off for me, but with the help of my support system I am confident I will make it. One day at a time:angel:

kitty
 
Wow....you guys are such an inspiration! I hope that I will soon be able to join you in the ranks of the "narcotic-free". I can't even imagine being off this stuff for two weeks, much less two months, two years....thanks for sharing your success here and being an inspiration to the rest of us. It can be done!!!
 
Hello All

This June I find myself 2 full years after the end of my tapering from Oxycodone and Xanax. I just thought I would share a bit of my life as it is now for the benefit of those wondering if we can survive without pills and for myself, to remind myself where I have been and where I am now.

Life is calm now. I am glad the tormenting times of withdrawal are over and thankful to God that I have been able to move forward. I am a much more reflective person now and make lots of time during the day to pause and consider the things in my life. So much in my thinking and behavior has changed. I enjoy the happy in things in my life more fully. The sad or upsetting things are met with a more discerning eye that sees them as mere events to be dealt with. The fierceness is gone
 
Reach,

I send this message with such admiration and respect! What you have done is astounding!!!! Any one of us aspires to be in your present situation and you are such a wonderful role model for us to follow.

I can speak for myself and say that thru my journey (clean since Nov. with 1 slip up in dec) your worRAB have given me much to ponder and have helped me more than you could ever know.

Congratulations on your accomplishments! You have so much to be proud of and to be thankful for. I know I am thankful for you! Thank you for sharing all you have.

With Admiration,
~Secrets
 
Great message that we can all learn from. I'm 4+ months clean (doesn't it seem so much longer???), in part to your help along the way. Thanks for being there when I needed your support. You are an inspiration to all of us. Do I feel like I'm drug free? Never!! But, with people like you to remind me that life is good on the other side, I am reminded never to fall back into the emotionless, feeling-less depths of Oxy. Congratulations and thank you!

Side Note: I feel like I wrote so much better when I was on the Oxy :-p Ahhh... the choices we must all make!! Be more literary creative? Or, die in a creative, emotionless, unfeeling, state of nothingness. Trust me - I have mentioned this fact to my wife (she's noticed it too) and the thought has crossed my mind to delve back into the drugs to be more creative. But, I look back and all of my works then and they were dark, dreary and sad. I still remain drug-free and trying to find other ways to be more creative - writing positive and technical articles.
 
reachout, thank you so much for your inspirational message.

i've been reading these boarRAB for a while now but this is my first post. i am 22 days off tylenol 3 and oxy's, which i've been on for 4 years. sooo sick of panicking about running out, not being able to get more, spending money i don't have, most of all THE SHAME. i went cold turkey and it was really hard, but i'm determined now that the worst of the w/d is over to stay away from codeine/oxy/whatever.

the hardest thing right now is the lack of enthusiasm/motivation but i just keep trying to push myself. i'm a teacher and school is over now so i know i have to schedule something everyday to keep myself on track. when i told the addictions counsellor i went to school everyday during my w/d she was blown away - said i must be a very strong person - so i'm going to hold onto that and believe that i can do it.

i look forward to the day i'm in your place:angel:
 
Hello

I am so happy to see you posting.

I, too, am blown away that you were able to go to school everyday in withdrawal! Congratulations on your phenomenal accomplishment! Like you, I also worked in a school system and often dreaded the summers because I lost any structure that I had. You are wise to schedule things for each day. I know what a hard, hard push we have to make at this time to keep going and not let the symptoms of depression catch us.

It is a weird thing.. when I finally stopped the pills, I was truly at a loss as to what to do with my time. I had to really stop and think of what was a 'normal' activity. It was a concentrated efort to figure out, "Hey, I can sweep the floor. I can empty the dishwasher. I can go to the store." Geeze, I felt nearly incapable of doing the everyday things that were a normal part of my life before I started living in Drug Haze Land. However, know that the enthusiasm and will does return. What takes concentrated effort at first truly does morph into a smooth routine.

It is so hard to push when we don't feel capable of pushing, uyet the pushing is what helps us to heal. Take pride in ever baby step made.. each one takes us a bit further into recovery and restoration.

I wish you strength and courage as you continue. You are going to be okay... no, not just okay.... you are going to be happy and fulfilled again.

Hugs
reach
 
Wow...this is what I needed to hear. Thanks all for sharing. I am so anxious to move forward, I think I would if I could, just fall asleep til life was normal again. But I do realize that every struggle I am going thru right now is preparing me for "real" life. It's definitely a different mental picture for me. (I am on day 5 off hydro.) Still struggling to find my place...but can't wait to either. I think I am going to really do it this time. :)
 
good job ,it is funny how time allows us to educate ourselves when we get the willingness to change, an it sounRAB like you have, its nice to be 1 of the winners , congrats, i was a nice guy when i was not useing but i was pretty much an alltime loser like the book tells me, but the day i started to reach out for help, made me an all of us winners...have a nice day scott :wave::)
 
I remeraber reading an old post of yours awhile back. You talked of having to learn how to do things all over again without the pills to help you: sweeping, vacuuming, laundry, etc... I thought about it the other day when I was doing my household stuff and realized that I have been doing all these things without the pills and that it truly WAS an adjustment.

I can even go shopping now without needing the pills. I'm a ways off from 2 years, but it can be done and I will get to that point.

Namaste
 
Thank you. I really needed to hear something like you've expressed at this point in my recovery.

R
 
Hi Reach - :wave:

Wow, it's been a long time since I have visited these boarRAB - Sept 08 it tells me. When I saw your post and wanted to reply, I didn't even know if I remerabered my log on name and password - lucky for me I did. Congrats to you !!!!! You were/are always such an inspiration to me. Let me share with you what I copied from the board and have kept all this time - i still read it so often and it is one of the reasons I have been clean for several years now. It wasn't even written to me but in that one post you answered the question I could never find the answer to - WHY? WHY ME? And then, there is was: I was hiding - from pain and hurt, guilt, shame, humiliation, fear, life skills ........ and in order to get clean, I had to find out what and why, and deal with them one by one, in that order.

I truly believe that "nothing happens in God's world by mistake" and also that "no one can help an addict like another addict". Maybe all the pain you went through was so that you could "truly understand and help" those like me! :angel: You are a special, special gift - God Bless You my friend!

Re: How do you want to get/stay clean?


Hello Jaybird

I appreciate your total honesty about yourself becaue it is only through total honesty that we can ever even begin to think about getting clean.



Friend, the solution to getting clean lies in discovering what it is that you really want to hide form in life. Honey, are you hiding from washing dishes, working, responsibility? Are you hiding from a past pain? Every addict is hiding from something and has discovered that drug abuse is a way to do so. It is an unhealthy, self-defeating coping mechanism, a hiding mechanism.

Getting clean, not using, is but a portion of the battle. We need help to discover why we hide and to help develop new and better coping skills. This is the bigger part of the battle... discovering who we really are and gaining an intense desire to be more than we are in drug haze haven. What makes us want to get clean? The realization that our life on drugs is not a happy one and a strong desire to want more from life than just existing.

For me it took a breakdown so complete that I was barely hanging on to existence. It came close to taking my life and though my life was not happy at that point, I wanted to live still.... and finally I wanted to live better and have a real and true lifeback again. We don't have to come to this point to turn around, though. What we have to do is be honest, brutally honest with ourselves and figure out that the majority of the world is living and coping in better ways and that they are happier for it... then we have to claim it for ourselves. And it is there for us, as well as anyone else, if we choose.

You want to sit in a closet... my choice was my bed. Different locations, same issue... hiding from life. It is exhausting to care because there are coping strategies missing, there is understanding about yourself that is missing. These are the things I gained as I withdrew from drugs and sought out a lot of professional help to help me learn about me, about how and why I reacted to life the way I did. It was a lot of work, it was painful at times, but today, I swear to you, I am a happier being than I ever thought possible and I have no desire to hide from life anymore.

I had to do it for me, but everyone in my circle of life benefitted from it... my husband, children, family and frienRAB. I stopped just existing and became an active participant in life again. Get to some meetings now while time is available before the baby comes.. get therapy for you... take the steps now that will ensure that life after the baby becomes a happier life for you.

All good wishes
reach



Christy :)
 
I had forgotten that I read this just after you posted it, and I'm glad it's popped back up again because I want send another thank you your way.

Still being in the intense early WD stage of cravings (10 days clean), it is so reassuring to read that life can be smooth eventually.

Thank you, one more time, for your sweet inspiration.
 
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