To keep this shorter, I am going to avoid specifics, and give an overview. Please only address what I am referring to. In regards to this situation, I have tried to be vague in the past and been beaten up in responses by people who did not know the full situation and only assumed things, incorrectly. I don’t think anyone would take the time to read if I explained everything, it is already going to be long enough as it is.
About a year ago, met a girl, instant attraction, obvious to us and anyone who saw us together. Some real chemistry. She has a serious boyfriend of several years, so nothing happened. We talked regulary, were very flirty whenever we hung out, got all the non-verbal signals. I usually talk to her through email/phone/text a couple times a week, though sometimes go a week or so without talking. If we had a week & ½ or 2 weeks without talking, she will shoot me a ‘haven’t talked to you in a while’ email and get the ball rolling again. After a couple months, the attraction only seemed to grow, and I told her how I felt, but respected her and her relationship. After a week or so of awkwardness, we picked up where we left off and she actually started getting more flirty with me. A couple of weeks ago, one night out with all of her friends, things were getting very blatant, we weren’t hooking up, but we each acted like we were the only 2 people there. After that night, the next time I saw her, she got a little distant, not cold in any way, but treated me more like just a good friend. Threw me off a bit. Then the next time I saw her a couple weeks later it was back to normal flirty nature. Then I was talking to her earlier in the week, she is a huge b-ball fan and asked about meeting up for the games Thursday night. She had plans to meet with people for the games, just didn’t know where. She said to let her know if I was interested to meet up and when she finds out where, she will let me know. I said definitely let me know. Thursday night passes, no call. This whole hot and cold thing is getting very frustrating, and I can’t figure out what to make of it. I have never played the shoulder to cry on or anything like that, and have a ton of examples that there has to be some level of interest there. I might be filling some kind of void from the boyfriend, but we never talk about him, so don’t know. I don’t know if she really has as strong of feelings for me and doesn’t know what to do herself, or is just really flaky. She does work a very high pressure job, and I am sure things fall through the cracks. It’s almost impossible to ask any of you what it means and be sure without really knowing either of us. My question is, how do I find out? So far, I have been playing this whole situation cool, trying not to seem overeager, or clingy or anything like that. I like that we don’t talk everyday and sometimes go a while with no contact, don’t want to get annoying and badger her. I think emailing her today would be a mistake, even though her not calling bothered me, I don’t want her to see that (and I am fairly certain she did go out). What approach should I take to see if I am being used, or she just flaked out on me and forgot, or she might be taking the same aloof approach I am?
About a year ago, met a girl, instant attraction, obvious to us and anyone who saw us together. Some real chemistry. She has a serious boyfriend of several years, so nothing happened. We talked regulary, were very flirty whenever we hung out, got all the non-verbal signals. I usually talk to her through email/phone/text a couple times a week, though sometimes go a week or so without talking. If we had a week & ½ or 2 weeks without talking, she will shoot me a ‘haven’t talked to you in a while’ email and get the ball rolling again. After a couple months, the attraction only seemed to grow, and I told her how I felt, but respected her and her relationship. After a week or so of awkwardness, we picked up where we left off and she actually started getting more flirty with me. A couple of weeks ago, one night out with all of her friends, things were getting very blatant, we weren’t hooking up, but we each acted like we were the only 2 people there. After that night, the next time I saw her, she got a little distant, not cold in any way, but treated me more like just a good friend. Threw me off a bit. Then the next time I saw her a couple weeks later it was back to normal flirty nature. Then I was talking to her earlier in the week, she is a huge b-ball fan and asked about meeting up for the games Thursday night. She had plans to meet with people for the games, just didn’t know where. She said to let her know if I was interested to meet up and when she finds out where, she will let me know. I said definitely let me know. Thursday night passes, no call. This whole hot and cold thing is getting very frustrating, and I can’t figure out what to make of it. I have never played the shoulder to cry on or anything like that, and have a ton of examples that there has to be some level of interest there. I might be filling some kind of void from the boyfriend, but we never talk about him, so don’t know. I don’t know if she really has as strong of feelings for me and doesn’t know what to do herself, or is just really flaky. She does work a very high pressure job, and I am sure things fall through the cracks. It’s almost impossible to ask any of you what it means and be sure without really knowing either of us. My question is, how do I find out? So far, I have been playing this whole situation cool, trying not to seem overeager, or clingy or anything like that. I like that we don’t talk everyday and sometimes go a while with no contact, don’t want to get annoying and badger her. I think emailing her today would be a mistake, even though her not calling bothered me, I don’t want her to see that (and I am fairly certain she did go out). What approach should I take to see if I am being used, or she just flaked out on me and forgot, or she might be taking the same aloof approach I am?