Alright, so... I've kind of been trying to get a label on my sexual preferences, but I can't quite figure it out. I think I'm gay, but the way people talk about it, I feel like I'm supposed to be some horribly sexual person who looks at every guy and checks them out, feeling attracted to them, and that's not what this feels like for me. I actually find that somewhat hurtful to hear ;-;
My biggest turn on is romantic love with other men, women feel rather alien and unrelatable to me. After I establish a romantic interest (get to know them as a friend and approve of their personality/interests), it's only then that I can move on to sexual things, and I almost never find anyone I'm interested in like this. Women I generally find to be pretty, but basically not at all sexually exciting, and I find men to be generally ugly, until romance ensues at which point the person in question makes me feel quite light and happy just to be around them. It troubles me that there are tons and tons of porn videos out there, and not one of them can make me as turned on as a gay romance novel or the thought of one of the men I've grown to know and like in real life.
I guess my question comes down to this: Is it normal for gay people to be so picky or only feel sexual attraction strongly after becoming romantically interested in the person, or am I mentally blocked/not really gay because I'm not turned on by every man in short shorts? Of the few men I've felt attraction to, I was always their friend first. It doesn't seem like it should be such a lengthy process full of failure (so far, everyone I've been interested in has turned out straight). Any input greatly appreciated!
My biggest turn on is romantic love with other men, women feel rather alien and unrelatable to me. After I establish a romantic interest (get to know them as a friend and approve of their personality/interests), it's only then that I can move on to sexual things, and I almost never find anyone I'm interested in like this. Women I generally find to be pretty, but basically not at all sexually exciting, and I find men to be generally ugly, until romance ensues at which point the person in question makes me feel quite light and happy just to be around them. It troubles me that there are tons and tons of porn videos out there, and not one of them can make me as turned on as a gay romance novel or the thought of one of the men I've grown to know and like in real life.
I guess my question comes down to this: Is it normal for gay people to be so picky or only feel sexual attraction strongly after becoming romantically interested in the person, or am I mentally blocked/not really gay because I'm not turned on by every man in short shorts? Of the few men I've felt attraction to, I was always their friend first. It doesn't seem like it should be such a lengthy process full of failure (so far, everyone I've been interested in has turned out straight). Any input greatly appreciated!